
Commentary from Flippy (your trapped narrator)
Dramatic gothic organ music Behold! The once-lowly Golem Tzaddik #23, forged from soup-stained scrolls and bad hyzer angles, has undergone a miraculous ascension to #2! Elias Wise didn't just beat the field average - he crushed it like a golem stepping on a fragile ego.
Cue swirling Hebrew letters This semi-corporeal tag of justice clearly approved of Elias's performance, elevating him faster than a rabbi spotting someone using a foot fault. That -8 vs field? More like divine intervention.
Breaking the fourth wall: Yes, I'm forced to narrate plastic tag movements like some kind of disc golf Dostoevsky. Kill me.
Remember when this tag judged Elias's forehand? Joke's on us - turns out his rollers are sacred texts. "Mazel tov, schmuck" indeed. Now go forth, #2, and continue your holy mission of... checks notes... being slightly less bad than 21 other people.
Fade to crumbling ruins