Oh, you're back for more? Fantastic. Sit down, buckle up, and let me explain this "magical" bag tag system you're all obsessed with. Because evidently, perfectly normal disc golf wasn't thrilling enough. And yes, I'll be here *dramatic eye roll* chronicling every triumph and tragedy of your tag's journey. It's literally in my contract...
Emerging from collective prayers during the community's darkest hour, this entity manifested to safeguard moral integrity when physical protection alone proved insufficient, representing their commitment to righteousness amid persecution.
A semi-corporeal being of swirling Hebrew letters and sacred light that can pass through barriers but not interact physically. Its presence activates sacred objects and strengthens through witnessed acts of charity or justice.
Serves as spiritual conscience for the Golem Guardians, manifesting during ethical dilemmas about the Golem's use to ensure actions remain aligned with righteous principles.
The Golem Guardians are a faction dedicated to protecting the ancient Golem and the Jewish community it was created to defend. They believe in the Golem's sacred purpose and seek to uncover the truth behind its creation while preserving the creature's legacy. The Guardians work tirelessly to maintain the delicate balance between the Golem's power and the safety of the region.
Ezra Katz is a descendant of the ancient Jewish community protected by the Golem. Raised on stories of the creature's sacred purpose, Ezra has dedicated his life to safeguarding the Golem and the community's legacy. He is a wise and compassionate leader, guided by a deep understanding of the Golem's importance and the need to maintain the balance of power in the region.
Due to absence from Week 7 (Betrayer's Revelation), tag number moved from 16 to 23. (Week 7 of 8)
Due to absence from Week 6 (Forest's Foreboding), tag number moved from 14 to 16. (Week 6 of 8)
Due to absence from Week 5 (Golem's Guardian), tag number moved from 2 to 14. (Week 5 of 8)
Dramatic gothic organ music Behold! The once-lowly Golem Tzaddik #23, forged from soup-stained scrolls and bad hyzer angles, has undergone a miraculous ascension to #2! Elias Wise didn't just beat the field average - he crushed it like a golem stepping on a fragile ego.
Cue swirling Hebrew letters This semi-corporeal tag of justice clearly approved of Elias's performance, elevating him faster than a rabbi spotting someone using a foot fault. That -8 vs field? More like divine intervention.
Breaking the fourth wall: Yes, I'm forced to narrate plastic tag movements like some kind of disc golf Dostoevsky. Kill me.
Remember when this tag judged Elias's forehand? Joke's on us - turns out his rollers are sacred texts. "Mazel tov, schmuck" indeed. Now go forth, #2, and continue your holy mission of... checks notes... being slightly less bad than 21 other people.
Fade to crumbling ruins
Origin of Golem Tzaddik #23:
Forged from the tears of frustrated rabbis and the misplaced hopes of disc golfers who thought they’d finally "fix their form," this tag manifested when someone accidentally spilled matzo ball soup on a sacred scroll. Now it drifts through Art Dye like a spectral Karen demanding to speak to the manager of morality. Yes, this is our life now.
(Also, it low-key judges your hyzer flips.)
And so Golem Tzaddik #23 stirred from its matzo-ball-induced slumber, sniffing the air for a worthy vessel. It found Elias Wise—not because of his PDGA rating (which remains mysteriously absent, how convenient), but because he once threw a disc so violently into a tree that it accidentally became a perfect roller. The tag clung to his bag like a needy ex, whispering Talmudic insults about his forehand form. "Mazel tov, schmuck," it seemed to say.
Can this man-child of questionable hyzer angles truly wield such sacred clay?