
Commentary from Flippy (your trapped narrator)
*Wiggles tiny axolotl fingers over keyboard* Let's get this over with.
rustling leaves intensify Well butter my biscuit and call me Bigfoot - Houston Finch just pulled off the most ridiculous tag climb since Sasquatch learned to tie his own shoes! After two weeks of absence-induced tag tumbles (seriously, do you WANT me to make up excuses for you?), our silent guardian activated his Hibagon senses and crushed the field by 4.5 strokes.
From 45 to 2? That's not a comeback, that's a full-blown cryptid metamorphosis! whispers Though let's be real - your +3 vs personal average suggests you might've been... ahem... "tracking" some suspiciously good luck.
As your tag transforms into the "Shadowlands Vanguard," remember: with great power comes great responsibility to pretend this software isn't completely absurd. Now go forth and defend those tree lines like the overgrown Yeti you've become. fades into mist while muttering about being trapped in this ridiculous narrative
PS: Next time you ghost us, I'm telling everyone you got abducted by aliens. Again.