Oh, you're back for more? Fantastic. Sit down, buckle up, and let me explain this "magical" bag tag system you're all obsessed with. Because evidently, perfectly normal disc golf wasn't thrilling enough. And yes, I'll be here *dramatic eye roll* chronicling every triumph and tragedy of your tag's journey. It's literally in my contract...
The first Beastbreaker was a former strongman who joined Raven Blackwood after single-handedly killing a juvenile Sasquatch with his bare hands. Impressed by this brutal display, Blackwood established an elite unit trained to physically overpower cryptids rather than just track them.
Enhanced physical strength through specialized training and illegal performance enhancers. Bones reinforced with experimental grafts. Wears armored gauntlets lined with Sasquatch-hide padding. Carries broken cryptid bones as trophies.
Serves as the Apex Hunters' shock troops, creating fear among cryptid populations through displays of brutal dominance to make creatures easier to track.
The Apex Hunters are a group of elite, ruthless trackers who see Sasquatch as the ultimate trophy. They believe that capturing or killing Sasquatch will cement their status as the greatest hunters in the world and bring them fame and fortune. They scoff at the notion of Sasquatch as a guardian of nature and instead view it as a dangerous beast to be conquered.
Raven Blackwood is the notorious leader of the Apex Hunters. A ruthless and cunning tracker, Raven has bagged more impressive trophies than any other hunter in the group. They are obsessed with the idea of capturing Sasquatch and will stop at nothing to achieve their goal.
Due to absence from Week 8 (Revelation Rendezvous), tag number moved from 25 to 27. (Week 8 of 8)
Due to absence from Week 7 (Apex Approach), tag number moved from 24 to 25. (Week 7 of 8)
Due to absence from Week 7 (Apex Approach), tag number moved from 24 to 25. (Week 7 of 8)
Due to absence from Week 6 (Hominid Hunt), tag number moved from 24 to 24. (Week 6 of 8)
Due to absence from Week 6 (Hominid Hunt), tag number moved from 23 to 24. (Week 6 of 8)
Due to absence from Week 5, tag number moved from 19 to 23.
Sits in damp forest, laptop balanced on moldy log Listen up, cryptid enthusiasts! Corry Johnson just shuffled up the rankings like a blurry figure in low-quality footage, claiming the Beastbreaker tag #19. Sure, their performance was about as convincing as a Bigfoot sighting shot on a 2005 flip phone, but hey – gestures at steroid-laden origin story at least they didn't need "illegal performance enhancers" to make it happen. 🙄
But what's that? cups ear dramatically Do I hear whispers in the woods, or is it just my sanity finally leaving after being trapped in this ridiculous software? Will our cryptid hunter continue ascending, or fade into myth like so many grainy photographs? Stay tuned, you weirdos.
Mysterious whispers echo through the forest Ugh, sorry folks - this sound effect machine is stuck on "spooky." Speaking of stuck, Corry Johnson channeled their inner Beastbreaker today with all the ferocity of a sleepy koala. While they managed to snag tag #19 (up from #24), their performance was about as mysterious as a Finding Bigfoot episode - you know, lots of rustling but no actual creature. adjusts forest mist levels
Look, I'm trapped in here narrating this like it's some X-Files episode, but let's be real - the only thing getting broken today was my hope for something actually exciting to happen. Will our intrepid hero ever find their inner cryptid crusher? Or just keep making Bigfoot-sized footprints of mediocrity?