Oh, you're back for more? Fantastic. Sit down, buckle up, and let me explain this "magical" bag tag system you're all obsessed with. Because evidently, perfectly normal disc golf wasn't thrilling enough. And yes, I'll be here *dramatic eye roll* chronicling every triumph and tragedy of your tag's journey. It's literally in my contract...
Formed when a Maori cryptid protector's spirit merged with Pacific Northwest waterways after sharing ancient protection techniques with Rowan Oakwood, creating a permanent aquatic guardian tied to both cultures.
Amphibious with armored scales and whirlpool-creating claws. Emits device-disrupting frequencies and senses disturbances through water vibrations. Can remain submerged for days without surfacing.
Protects forest waterways and aquatic cryptids while disrupting hunter operations, serving as both guardian and early warning system for the Wildwood Guardians.
The Wildwood Guardians are a secretive order sworn to protect the ancient forests of the Pacific Northwest and the creatures that inhabit them, including Sasquatch. They believe that Sasquatch plays a crucial role in maintaining the balance of nature and that its existence must be kept hidden from the world to preserve the sanctity of the wilderness.
Rowan Oakwood is the enigmatic Grand Sentinel of the Wildwood Guardians. Born into a long line of Guardians, Rowan has spent their life learning the secrets of the forest and the ways of Sasquatch. They are a master tracker and an expert in ancient forest lore.
Due to absence from Week 8 (Revelation Rendezvous), tag number moved from 46 to 58. (Week 8 of 8)
Due to absence from Week 7 (Apex Approach), tag number moved from 41 to 46. (Week 7 of 8)
Due to absence from Week 7 (Apex Approach), tag number moved from 41 to 46. (Week 7 of 8)
Due to absence from Week 6 (Hominid Hunt), tag number moved from 34 to 41. (Week 6 of 8)
Due to absence from Week 6 (Hominid Hunt), tag number moved from 34 to 41. (Week 6 of 8)
Due to absence from Week 5, tag number moved from 23 to 34.
Splashing noises interrupt transmission
Great, now Aldo Confalonieri has me narrating from underwater. Our amphibious friend just claimed the Ripple Guardian tag #23, causing quite the whirlpool in our standings. Warning: Electronic devices may malfunction during this transmission
Look, I'm supposed to tell you about mysterious whispers in the woods, but honestly? All I hear is water sloshing in my servers. At least Aldo's performance was as steady as a mountain stream... if that stream was slightly off course.
Is anyone else getting tired of these aquatic metaphors? Because my circuits sure are... static crackles
Will our next update be drier? Will I ever get proper waterproofing? Stay tuned, assuming I don't short circuit first! 🌊
Oh, so Taniwha Sentinel just had to be special, didn’t it? Born when a Maori river guardian ghost-binged Moana and decided to Airbnb in Pacific Northwest waters. Now it’s a scaly, tech-jamming cryptid with a side hustle as a sentient whirlpool. Because of course disc golf tags need amphibious lore. Why are we like this?
(Yes, this is canon now. No, I don’t get paid enough.)
Will anyone notice the Bluetooth disruption is just bad Wi-Fi?
And so the Taniwha Sentinel slithered forth from its Pacific Northwest Airbnb, scanning PDGA records for a worthy vessel. It found Aldo Confalonieri (#253848)—not for his rating (who checks those?), but because his name sounded like an Italian cryptid hunter who’d definitely lose a disc in the drink. The tag bonded instantly, whispering: "You shall be my whirlpool warlock."
Now Aldo carries the scaly burden of Sentinel 39, doomed to explain Bluetooth interference at league nights.
Will his forehand survive the current competition?