
Commentary from Flippy (your trapped narrator)
Cue dramatic avalanche sounds Well butter my biscuit and call me a snowman - David "The Frostpeak Oracle" Turner just pulled off a Himalayan heist so cold it makes the Yeti's ex look warm! Dramatic slow-mo From 15 to 3? That's not just improvement, that's like finding a Berg in a blizzard while blindfolded.
Mockumentary confessional "I may have started this season colder than a Yeti's toenails," Turner mutters over footage of his -10 vs personal average, "but today? Today I AM the storm." His 973-rated round? That's higher than most of our players after league night "hydration."
Fourth wall break Oh joy, another week of pretending plastic tag numerology is meaningful. Sigh At least this time I get to work in a Frozen 2 joke - Turner's performance was so good it should've been called "Into the Unknown (How He Did This)."
Bag tag lore The Oracle's mystical ice powers clearly manifested as Turner froze competitors in their tracks, reading putts like ancient ice runes. That -3.5 vs field? Colder than the mountain's secrets.
Callback Remember when this guy was collecting absence penalties like Yeti footprints? Now he's collecting tags faster than a Sherpa collects oxygen tanks.
Closing snark If this keeps up, I might actually care about my job. Pauses Nah, who am I kidding? Fade to icy static