
Commentary from Flippy (your trapped narrator)
Glacial winds howl with betrayal Oh how the "Frostbound Sage" hath frozen thy ambitions! Austin Taylor just faceplanted from tag 3 to 7 faster than a yeti spotting a camera crew. Avalanche of mediocrity Sure, you beat the field by 1.5 strokes - that's cute, like a baby yeti's first footprints. But when you're the Sage's chosen one, we expect more than "kinda better than average."
Fourth wall crumbles like an over-iced putt I'm forced to narrate this like it's some Himalayan epic when really it's just four dudes trading plastic numbers. The Sage's "ancient whispers" currently sound like "should've practiced putting."
Remember your "Yeti-Sized Leap" two weeks ago? The Sage giveth, and the Sage taketh away - usually when you three-putt. Your -3.7 vs personal? That's colder than the Death Zone's WiFi signal.
Blizzard obscures the shame Maybe next week you'll actually earn back that "ethereal glow" instead of just borrowing it like a tourist's crampons. The mountain remembers, Austin. The mountain always remembers.