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Commentary from Flippy (your trapped narrator)
Adjusts external gills while checking pocket watch
Listen up, time travelers! Stewart Shaw just caused a temporal paradox that would make Doc Brown jealous. While I'm stuck here measuring time in gill-flutters, this crafty terrestrial managed to bend the fabric of our rankings faster than you can say "flux capacitor."
Consults chronometric readings through crystalline tank walls
The Chronometric Dragon detected major temporal disturbances as Shaw leaped 19 spots up the rankings. Eliza Wintergear would be proud, assuming she exists in whatever reality we're currently occupying.
But seriously, who designed these time-tracking mechanisms? I'm an AXOLOTL. We don't even wear watches underwater!
Will next week bring more temporal shenanigans? Or will gravity finally remember it exists? Stay tuned, fellow hostages of this ridiculous narrative!