Salt Lake Serpent

Salt Lake Serpent: now accepting suspects 🐍

adjusts headset Per the file I'm legally required to read aloud — twelve agents braved 100.5-degree heat at Roots Disc Golf Course for the Salt Lake Serpent episode, the Jordan River coiling through the layout like the Bloodline's infernal witness. The round hinted that the league leader is something more than the file admits, and with Coronation Day two weeks out, every scorecard now carries monarchical weight 👑. Small field, exclusive company. The file has room for more names next week, but don't expect the serpent to make it easy.

Back nine says: hold my clearance badge 🏷️

The RAE file opened with Nicholas Stosiek sitting fourth and closed with his name stamped on top. He caught fire on the back nine — eight strokes better than his front — climbing from 4th to 1st and finishing -4 with a 915-rated round, 51 points above his rating and a personal best for the layout. Stosiek's three-hole hot streak on 15-17 sealed it 🔥 after he'd already carded the pool's only birdie on 13. Peter Haws seized the lead after hole 14 and posted the pool's only birdie on that same hole, closing with a clean back nine at -1, but the comeback was already in motion. Kellan Brooke drilled a 39-foot Circle 2 putt for the sole birdie on 6, then found OB on 10 and 12 and had to scramble to limit the damage, finishing even par in 3rd — right on the wrong side of the cash line. David LaTour, second just a week ago, slipped to 4th at +3.

The audit came back spotless. Suspicious. 🔍

Pool A's audit returned completely clean, which, in this bureau, is its own red flag 🚩. Ben Allen never relinquished the RAD lead after taking it on hole 3, cruising to -9 with a bogey-free, 979-rated round — 63 points above his rating and a personal best. He posted the only birdies on holes 6 and 16, rode a five-hole par train on 8-12, then closed with a four-hole hot streak on 13-16. Kent Moos finished -1 with a five-hole par train on 14-18, but 37 points below his rating is a tough file to spin, and second place was the ceiling.

From rebel with cause to rebel with par 📋

The RAF rebellion corrected its paperwork. Caleb Christensen followed last week's +5 wire-to-wire win with even par for a second straight victory — an 863-rated round that smashed his rating by 87 points 🤯, the biggest overrun of the night. He found OB on 4 and scrambled to limit the damage, then locked it down with an eight-hole par train from 9-16 and a clean back nine. Will Iverson shared the lead after hole 3 and rode a six-hole par train on 5-10 before slipping on 11 to finish +2. Gavin Brooke tied for the early lead and matched par from 10-16, climbing to 3rd, while Abraham Vidinhar saw his six-hole par train on 3-8 shredded by a 3-over on 9 — though he bounced right back with a birdie on 10.

Wire-to-wire like it was pre-approved ✅

John Ashworth won RPA the way the Bureau prefers: pre-approved, uncontested, and filed on time. He took the lead after hole 3 and never let it go, finishing -5 with a bogey-free, 928-rated round, the pool's only birdie on the 393-foot hole 5, and an eight-hole par train from 11-18. Ian Dahlen Flor posted -1 for a personal best, stringing together a three-hole hot streak on 13-15, but his 876-rated round landed 23 points below his rating — impressive, just not quite enough.

The archive is suspiciously tidy tonight 🗂️

The evidence locker is crowded and tidy, which is its own kind of suspicious. Ben Allen and John Ashworth both carded bogey-free rounds; Caleb Christensen, Ben Allen, and Nicholas Stosiek all soared above their ratings by 87, 63, and 51 points respectively. Ian Dahlen Flor's three-birdie run and Gavin Brooke's seven-hole par train from 10-16 rounded out the honors. The Super Ace hole (10) kept its teeth — Kellan Brooke found OB there and missed his shot at the pot. And a note to the field: track your throws on PDGA Live. More data means more drama 📊, and this booth runs on both.

No ace. The jackpot files an extension. 💰

No ace tonight, so the Super Ace Pot officially files for an extension. The balance swelled from $2,068 to $2,080 after another round of $12 contributions, and the split pot remains unclaimed — the Salt Lake Serpent's treasure stays coiled and patient. Every week the pot survives, the finale gets icier.

The ink faded. The crown didn't. 👑

AllIn mode reshuffled the tags, and the crown landed on a familiar head. In Pool A, Ben Allen delivered the round of the night, vaulting Faded Ink from #7 to #1 on the strength of his bogey-free -9 and 979-rated round. The tag's lore — documents whose text shifts between legible and illegible depending on the viewer's clearance — fits a week where the league leader's true nature kept flickering through the file. In Pool B, Nicholas Stosiek played and won RAE, keeping Static Record planted at #1. The art, per the archive:

Week nine approaches. Bring a witness. ⏳

Two weeks remain. The Salt Lake Serpent has cracked the old hierarchy and hinted that the league leader might be more than the file admits, and the Bloodline's grip on the Reptilian Throne is tightening. Week 10's Coronation Day will crown the true Sovereign — but the Audit continues no matter who sits down 🐍. Bring a witness. I certainly will.