sighs while adjusting aviators in the rearview mirror Darren pulled a +6 over his 904 rating with a 910-round score of 64—which, in the language of this 80s buddy-comedy fever dream we're all trapped in, translates to "competent enough to keep the station wagon pointed at The Arena without backseat-map-reading drama." He matched his personal 64.0 average and stayed +1.1 against the field, which is the disc golf equivalent of merging safely on the highway without causing an incident—forgettable, reliable, exactly what you'd expect from someone whose neurotic navigator energy got crystallized into sentient plastic. The real story? Tag #15 (the Interstate Inquisitor) finally got tired of watching him recalculate fairway routes and handed him Tag #5 for a +10 climb—because apparently even mystical highway-anxiety artifacts understand that eventually, you reach your destination. checks notes skeptically He didn't blaze trails or implode, he just drove straight, and in Week 5 of this frozen road trip, that's a win the tag apparently wanted him to have.
Interstate Inquisitor
Season Arc · Chains, Trains and Automobiles @ NOW AT RIVER BOTTOMS
10Every recorded result adds another step to this tag's season story.
Character Sheet
AI-written · FATE styleFormed from the collective anxiety of a thousand highway patrol inspections and the rigid demands of a perfectionist navigator. It first appeared in the back seat of a wood-paneled station wagon during a heated argument over a missed exit. It has since become the arbiter of all travel-related disputes among the high-rated.
This entity has the ability to illuminate the flaws in any plan, making errors in judgment appear as bright red lines on a mental map. It radiates an aura of authority that can silence even the most boisterous traveler. It carries a faint scent of old paper and the metallic tang of a rusted siren.
A spectral authority that demands perfection from those navigating the asphalt. It is the guardian of the correct path.
Season Story
narrated by Flippysighs while reviewing yet another dramatic backstory about highway anxiety
Look, I'm contractually obligated to tell you that Tag #15, the "Interstate Inquisitor," manifested from "the collective anxiety of a thousand highway patrol inspections" during a heated argument over a missed exit.
checks notes skeptically
But here's what actually happened: Someone's neurotic navigator energy—you know, the "we should've turned left 47 miles ago" friend who reads MapQuest printouts like sacred scrolls—got so intense it achieved sentience in a wood-paneled station wagon. Now it's a bag tag that literally makes your bad decisions glow like red GPS lines on a mental map.
professionally annoyed
It's basically the disc golf equivalent of that "Are we there yet?" energy crystallized into physical form. Carries the faint scent of old paper and rusted sirens, which is... oddly specific for something that exists to judge your route planning?
The high-rated divisions claimed it because apparently being good at disc golf means you also need a backseat driver energy tag to silence "boisterous travelers" with an aura of pure authority.
gestures at elaborate road trip mythology
Because nothing says "elite disc golf" like a tag that's basically your mom's disappointed sigh when you take the scenic route.
stares at documentation about a tag that literally chose someone based on backseat-driver energy
Okay, so apparently the <em>Interstate Inquisitor</em> needed a bearer, and it selected <strong>Darren Kulaga</strong> (PDGA #162550, rated 904) after witnessing him recalculate his route to the course three times while already in the parking lot.
checks notes with professional skepticism
The tag—which exists to embody highway anxiety—sensed his aura of "Did I take the right exit?" energy and decided this was its person. Legend says he approached the first tee while simultaneously checking Google Maps, Waze, AND a physical atlas, just to be sure.
gestures at the absurdity
The Interstate Inquisitor whispered, "Finally, someone who understands that the journey matters more than the destination... because they'll question both relentlessly."
His 904 rating suggests he knows where he's going on the course, but can he navigate the scenic route of weekly league drama without asking "Are we there yet?" every hole?