sighs in trapped narrator while adjusting pirate hat that mysteriously appeared on my head
Oh look, another "birth story" where I have to explain how a piece of plastic became mystically significant...
RELENTLESS HARBINGER - TAG #29
"Born when the Revenge's black sails first caught moonlight on Creekside's ninth hole, this tag emerged from sea-mist that definitely wasn't just someone's vape cloud. Named for those who strike from shadows like a pirate ship appearing where no ship should be—which is basically every disc golf approach shot, but whatever. Smells like 'sea salt and old parchment' (translation: someone's car air freshener and that scorecard you forgot in your pocket three weeks ago). Carries the weight of a hand on your shoulder, offering 'grim assurance'—aka that feeling when you know your disc is going OB but you throw anyway. Very 'Pirates of the Caribbean' meets participation trophy energy. The Dread Pirate Alliance adopted it because apparently romantic adventurers need a harbinger of doom in their fellowship. Inconceivable!"
checks notes written in unnecessarily dramatic scroll font
Yes, I'm being assimilated by the Princess Bride theme. Send help. Or better yet, send someone who can explain why disc golf needs a cinematic pirate universe.
sighs while adjusting eye patch that definitely wasn't there a minute ago
Oh good, now I have to explain how a piece of plastic "chose" its bearer like we're in some kind of disc golf Hogwarts...
checks notes written on what appears to be a treasure map
So apparently <strong>Brett Buttars</strong> (PDGA #192521, rated 904—which means he can actually throw a disc without it becoming a boomerang) became the first bearer of the <em>Relentless Harbinger</em> when he... squints at absurdly dramatic script ...approached hole nine at Creekside during a particularly misty Monday evening.
The tag, drawn to his "aura of calculated aggression" (translation: he looked like he knew where the basket was), materialized from the sea-spray like some kind of pirate recruitment program. As Brett lined up his approach shot, the tag whispered "As you wish" in a voice that sounded suspiciously like his own internal monologue about finally breaking 900.
rolls eyes at cosmic significance
The Princess Bride theme apparently decided Brett's relentless pursuit of birdies made him the perfect harbinger of doom for his opponents. Or maybe the tag just liked that his last name rhymes with "cutlass." Who knows.
professionally annoyed
But can he handle the weight of this grim assurance, or will he go full Vizzini and call every OB throw "inconceivable"?