Bureaucratic Scroll
E.T. - Every Tree @ Creekside·Competition group Kabuki Authority Bureau·
Challenge · numbers move by duel
Darren Woodie
RAE
Red
Season Arc · E.T. - Every Tree @ Creekside
1
#4Now
#3Best
#14Started
40Weeks
Every recorded result adds another step to this tag's season story.
Character Sheet
AI-written · FATE styleHigh ConceptScroll That Records Every Tree Hit
TroubleBound by Endless Red Tape
Sealed with Crimson Authority
Tree-Rich Memory Banks
Glows with Bureaucratic Light
Forged not in a smithy but within the deepest administrative vaults of the Kabuki Authority Bureau, the Bureaucratic Scroll was the first artifact created to manage the influx of raw, untrained aspirants. Senior scribes, weary of chaotic, unrecorded efforts, pooled their authority to bind protocol into physical form, inscribing the core tenets of measured progress onto vellum made from pulped disciplinary reports. The scroll activated the moment the first aspirant completed a sanctioned route, its blank surface suddenly alive with the record of their path, establishing the precedent for all who would follow.
The scroll is a cylinder of aged, off-white vellum, secured by a crimson wax seal stamped with the Bureau's emblem. Unrolled, its length reveals columns of minimalist, black ink notations that shift and rewrite themselves in real-time, reflecting the current status of all registered journeys. It emits a faint scent of ink and dust, and when active, a soft, rhythmic scratching sound emanates from it, as if an unseen quill is perpetually at work. The parchment is surprisingly durable, resistant to tears and moisture, a testament to the enduring nature of bureaucracy.
The Bureaucratic Scroll is the foundational ledger, the immutable record that transforms aspiration into official entry. It waits at the gateway, its blank columns a silent challenge, requiring a completed journey to earn the first mark of recognition. This entity does not grant skill, only legitimacy, providing the initial proof of participation that every operative must obtain before advancing through the ranks.
Season Story
narrated by Flippysighs in training montage while rewinding the VHS tape
Look, here's the thing about Darren Woodie that the Bureaucratic Scroll absolutely CANNOT ignore: he just threw a +1.3 against a 50.7 field average on an unrated card, which translates to "competent human who knows which end of the disc to hold." No earthshaking delta here—this is a guy playing slightly above the room while carrying the cosmic burden of being named WOODIE in a league where trees are both literal obstacles AND metaphorical antagonists. The scroll watched him climb from tag #14 to #3 in a single week, which is genuinely impressive administrative territory—imagine the bureaucratic paperwork scrolling frantically trying to keep up with his ascent. But here's where the 80s mentor voice kicks in: kid threw a 52, matched his personal average exactly, and earned himself eleven positions through consistent execution rather than heroic fireworks. The real move? He didn't fight the red tape—he just filed it correctly and moved on. The scroll's probably glowing right now, mentally updating all seventeen subsections of his record with trembling bureaucratic glee.
sighs in trapped narrator while adjusting my Ukiyo-e patterned reading glasses
Oh good, we're doing origin stories for PAPERWORK now. Let me translate this bureaucratic fever dream into the required format...
The Bureaucratic Scroll: A Birth Story
dramatically unfurls scroll while eye-rolling
Look, in any proper movie parody, you need the tedious administrative subplot nobody asked for. So naturally, when the Kabuki Authority Bureau (read: the "you're not good enough for the cool kids table" division) realized they had untrained disc golfers wandering around hitting trees without proper documentation, the senior scribes had a collective panic attack.
They literally pulped disciplinary reports—yes, ACTUAL paperwork about people who forgot to sign the waiver—and made mystical vellum out of bureaucratic suffering. Very "One Ring to Rule Them All," except instead of forging it in Mount Doom, they laminated it at a FedEx Office.
The scroll "activated" the moment someone completed a sanctioned route, which is just a fancy way of saying "we started tracking your scores." It's got self-updating ink that smells like a library basement and makes scratching sounds like someone's perpetually filling out forms in triplicate.
checks notes written in unnecessarily dramatic calligraphy
So basically: Tag #14 is LITERALLY the DMV of disc golf artifacts, wrapped in red wax and existential dread, documenting every tree-hitting journey of the lower-rated divisions. Because apparently even alien disc golf comedies need middle management.
The real horror? It's "resistant to tears and moisture"—this thing will outlive us all, eternally recording bogeys.
adjusts reading glasses while watching bureaucratic smoke signals rise from a laminator
Oh perfect, we're doing a CHOSEN ONE ceremony for TAG FOURTEEN. The participation trophy of destiny.
The Selection: A Bureaucratic Horror Story
dramatically lights incense that smells suspiciously like copy toner
So picture this: The <em>Bureaucratic Scroll</em> is sitting there in its red wax seal, self-importantly scratching away with its mystical ink, when <strong>Darren Woodie</strong> completes his first sanctioned round.
Now, the scroll—being the DMV artifact it is—immediately began cross-referencing his performance against seventeen different forms and subsections. The tag literally VIBRATED with bureaucratic excitement. Finally! Someone whose name is an actual tree pun! It's like destiny, except wrapped in triplicate and requiring a signature.
checks scroll's activation log
The moment Darren's scorecard processed, the scroll unfurled itself with the enthusiasm of a middle manager finding the PERFECT filing cabinet. His name—WOODIE—was apparently the cosmic joke the scroll had been waiting for. Because nothing says "alien disc golf movie parody" quite like assigning the tree-themed paperwork to a guy whose surname is literally arboreal.
sighs while stamping approval forms
The scroll bonded to him instantly, probably because it detected maximum pun potential. Can a man named Woodie escape his destiny of documenting every tree hit in the Kabuki Authority Bureau?
Spoiler: The scroll thinks not.
See where Darren Woodie sits in the competition group.Updated after every finalized round
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