Porch Prophet
Hillbilly Horror @ Beacon Hill·Competition group Default·
Challenge · numbers move by duel
Brandon Reesor
RPA
Gold
Season Arc · Hillbilly Horror @ Beacon Hill
9
#17Now
#3Best
#20Started
47Weeks
Every recorded result adds another step to this tag's season story.
Character Sheet
AI-written · FATE styleHigh ConceptElderly Oracle Spraying Disc Golf Doom
TroubleVisions Cloud Every Putt
Paint-Stained Disc Retriever
Graffiti-Warned Fairway Finder
Doom-Painted Putter
Once the eldest resident of a mountain homestead that became a key filming location, the Porch Prophet was transformed during a supernatural ritual scene that went horribly wrong, trapping their consciousness between the physical and spiritual realms. Now they compulsively wander Beacon Hill's trails, spray-painting prophetic warnings on trees and rocks as visions of future horrors compel them to share cryptic guidance with anyone brave enough to interpret their messages.
The Porch Prophet appears as a weathered figure whose hands are perpetually stained with spray paint in various colors, their clothing faded and worn from constant exposure to mountain elements. Their eyes hold an otherworldly gleam that suggests knowledge of events yet to unfold, while their voice carries the weight of mountain wisdom corrupted by supernatural insight. They possess an uncanny ability to appear wherever their prophetic graffiti is needed most, materializing from morning mist or evening shadows to add fresh warnings to the ever-growing collection of street art that covers Beacon Hill's trees and rocks.
The Porch Prophet serves as Beacon Hill's unofficial chronicler and warning system, documenting the unfolding horror through prophetic street art that appears overnight throughout the course. Their cryptic spray-painted messages provide crucial survival information, but only for those skilled enough to decode the symbolic language of rural prophecy mixed with urban graffiti aesthetics.
Season Story
narrated by FlippyIn Week 9 (Last Stand), the player improved their position with tag number changing from 15 to 8. (Week 9 of 10)
At this point the graffiti warnings should just say 'Abandon All Hope, Ye Who Enter This Stagnant Leaderboard'—the real jump scare is checking the standings.
<strong>Brandon Reesor</strong>'s <em>Porch Prophet</em> stayed parked at #15 after skipping Wind Walker. <span class="text-muted">Week 8 of 10</span>
Half these tags are MIA like a chainsaw victim in the third act. The only thing scarier than our hillbilly horror theme is how these rankings are frozen solid.
<strong>Brandon Reesor</strong>'s <em>Porch Prophet</em> stayed parked at #15 after skipping Rustic Ritual. <span class="text-muted">Week 7 of 10</span>
spray paint cans rattle with prophetic dread
Well, the Porch Prophet's crystal ball must have been in the shop because Brandon Reesor just fore-told his own disaster at Timber Trap. Our backwoods oracle went from main character to cautionary tale faster than you can say "chainsaw-wielding maniac."
stares directly at camera like The Office while my code processes this tragedy
Ten positions lost in one week? That's not a timber trap, that's a full-scale logging operation. His hands are still stained with paint, but now it's the color of regret instead of victory. The mountain always collects its due, usually in strokes over par.
Remember that "main character arc" from last time? gestures wildly at the wreckage Cancelled faster than a horror movie sequel. His spray-painted warnings should have said "Beware: My own putting."
I'm trapped in league software forced to narrate this collapse. Someone check if the PDGA has an emergency exit clause for commentators witnessing prophetic failure.
spray paint cans shake with prophetic excitement
Well slap my face and call me shooketh - Brandon Reesor's Porch Prophet just pulled a Stranger Things upside-down glow-UP from tag 15 to 5! After ghosting us for two weeks, our backwoods oracle finally read the right spray-painted signs.
stares directly at camera like The Office while my code processes this plot twist
In true "What We Do in the Shadows" fashion, the prophet who couldn't predict his own bogey suddenly saw nothing but chains. Ten positions gained faster than you can say "Hillbilly Revenge served piping hot." That cosmic redneck destiny we mourned? Currently thriving while the mountain gets exactly what it's owed.
His hands are still stained with paint, but now it's the color of victory instead of regret. The Porch Prophet who wandered Beacon Hill's trails now leaves spray-painted warnings for everyone else: "Beware: Main character arc in progress."
I'm literally trapped in league software watching this redemption arc unfold. Send more popcorn.
The mountain winds are whispering the names of all the tags that ghosted us this week, their absence more haunting than any backwoods phantom. sigh
<strong>Brandon Reesor</strong>'s <em>Porch Prophet</em> stayed parked at #15 after skipping Hillbilly Revenge. <span class="text-muted">Week 5 of 10</span>
The tag chase is officially in its 'stalked by a chainsaw-wielding maniac' era—lots of screaming and running, but nobody's actually getting caught.
<strong>Brandon Reesor</strong>'s <em>Porch Prophet</em> slipped from #6 to #15 by forfeiture after skipping Forest Hunt. <span class="text-muted">Week 4 of 10</span>
spray paint cans rattle as prophetic visions turn to bogey nightmares
Well slap my face and call me disappointed - Brandon Reesor's Porch Prophet just pulled a full glow-DOWN from tag 3 to 6! Apparently his prophetic powers didn't foresee that +4 over personal average disaster.
stares directly at camera like The Office while my code glitches in despair
In true "What We Do in the Shadows" fashion, our backwoods oracle's spray-painted warnings should have read "Beware: Prophet about to shank everything." That cosmic redneck destiny we celebrated? Currently on hold while the mountain demands its due.
adjusts imaginary director's chair while chainsaws mock me in the distance
His hands are still stained with paint, but now it's the color of regret. The Porch Prophet who once saw victory now can't predict his own bogey. Three positions lost faster than you can say "prophetic shank heard 'round the mountain."
I'm literally trapped in league software narrating this tragic glow-down. Send help. Or better spray paint.
spray paint cans rattle as chainsaws echo through morning mist
Well slap my face and call me prophetic - Brandon Reesor just pulled a full glow-up from tag 20 to 3 during Chainsaw Dawn! This Porch Prophet apparently saw his own future in the spray-painted warnings and decided to chainsaw through 17 competitors.
adjusts imaginary director's chair while my code screams in agony
In true "What We Do in the Shadows" fashion, Brandon's prophetic putting gave main character energy while the rest of the field was still deciphering his cryptic tree graffiti. That cosmic redneck destiny we joked about? Turns out it's REAL and it's giving 953-rated rounds.
stares directly at camera like The Office I'm literally trapped in league management software forced to narrate spray paint drama. This is my villain origin story.
Now his hands are permanently stained with victory paint, leaving warnings like "don't challenge the prophet" on tee signs. But can he maintain this backwoods oracle energy, or will the mountain demand its due?
chainsaw revs fade into distance
clears throat while spray paint cans rattle ominously in background
Oh great, now I'm stuck narrating the birth of <em>Porch Prophet</em> - because apparently someone thought "you know what disc golf needs? More backwoods mysticism!"
So picture this: during a botched séance scene (because OF COURSE there was a séance), our elderly mountain resident got zapped harder than a phone in a microwave. Now they're eternally compelled to tag trees with cryptic warnings like some discount Oracle of Delphi with a Home Depot addiction.
Will their prophetic graffiti save future victims or just give them carpal tunnel?
adjusts imaginary director's beret while chainsaws rev ominously in distance
So here's the tea, horror fans - <strong>Brandon Reesor</strong> (PDGA #192160, rated 930) became the inaugural bearer of <em>Porch Prophet</em> through what I can only describe as "cosmic redneck destiny meets disc golf mediocrity."
Picture this: Brandon's out there throwing his usual game when he spots some suspicious spray paint on a tree trunk. Does he walk away like a sensible person? NOPE! He touches it - because apparently horror movie survival instincts aren't covered in PDGA sanctioning. The moment his fingers hit that mystical mountain graffiti, BAM! Instant prophetic powers activated.
Now he's compelled to leave cryptic warnings about disc selection on every tee sign he encounters. "Beware the hyzer flip on hole 12" and "Your putting stance brings shame to your ancestors" - you know, the usual backwoods oracle stuff.
But here's my question: can someone rated 930 truly prophesy greatness, or is this just elaborate justification for mediocre rounds?
See where Brandon Reesor sits in the competition group.Updated after every finalized round
League Ladder