Every recorded result adds another step to this tag's season story.
Character Sheet
AI-written · FATE style
High ConceptSandstone Serpent of the Sacred Gulches
TroubleObsessed with Territorial Markings
Grinding Stone TeethStatic-Charged Quartz PlatesYour OB Shots Amuse Me
Forged when the Thunderbird's first lightning strike fused ancestral clay with canyon bedrock, this armored behemoth has patrolled the Great Plains' deepest gulches for millennia. Its stone-carved hide bears scars from ancient territorial battles with rival earth spirits, each marking a protected storm vault's location.
Serpentine body with interlocking sandstone plates that reknit using mineral secretions. Heat-resistant underbelly allows burrowing through geothermal vents. Jaw contains rotating stone teeth that grind rock into navigational dust trails. Stores static charge from passing storms in dorsal quartz crystals.
Maintains integrity of sacred underground chambers by challenging seekers with physical trials and stone-language puzzles. Its territorial patrols enforce the Earthbound Guardians' doctrine of earned access to primal storm knowledge.
Season Story
narrated by Flippy
Played
Week 8
#49 #20
Cue dramatic thunderclap Behold! Kyle "Two-Crocs-and-a-Dream" Riordan has ascended from the sedimentary depths of tag #49 to #20 like a poorly-thrown Berg finding its way home! The Thunderbird's electric wings crackle with secondhand embarrassment
This MA1 menace played exactly to his personal average (66, same as his IQ when choosing footwear), yet somehow out-chaosed the field by +7. The Gulch Gowrow's rotating stone teeth grind in approval as Kyle's tag climbs faster than his lost discs in a headwind. "Behold!" cries the psychedelic prairie dog chorus, "The prophet of mediocrity!"
Fourth wall shatters like a DX plastic in winter I'm contractually obligated to pretend this matters, but let's be real - Kyle just discovered that showing up is 90% of disc golf. His tag now glows with the faint static charge of participation trophies.
Remember last week when I compared his game to a middle school diorama? Turns out even macaroni art has its day. Sigh At least the Thunderbird gets a new court jester. Storm clouds part revealing...another tree hit Classic Kyle.
Forged
🌪️ Origin Story: When Thor’s latte-spill met a geology textbook on Tinder, <em>Gulch Gowrow</em> erupted—literally—from the Plains’ most dramatic identity crisis. Forged in a lightning strike that accidentally reenacted Honey, I Shrunk the Kids with tectonic plates, this walking sedimentary glow-up now guards prairie TikTok trends. Yes, the “ancient stone-carved hide” is just Flex Seal over a middle school diorama. 💅 Why are we like this?
Amid prairie dogs chanting "Yeet the Beetle!", <strong>Kyle Riordan</strong> tripped over his own Crocs—thereby reenacting Stonehenge's construction via klutz. PDGA #286925? More like 2nd breakfast, 8 missed Mando signs, 6 tree-kisses, 9 existential putt crises, 2 lost discs, 5 snack breaks. The <em>Gulch Gowrow</em> clung to his fanny pack like a TikTok rock tutorial gone sentient. "Behold! The prophesied one who hyzers like a dad joke!" cried the wind. But does a man who confuses tomahawks with actual axes deserve this sedimentary glory? 🌪️⛏️
See where Kyle Riordan sits in the competition group.Updated after every finalized round
