In Week 8 (Tempest Trials), the player improved their position with tag number changing from 18 to 11. (Week 8 of 8)
Burrowing Batsquatch
The Tempest Trials @ River Bottoms·Competition group Pool of the Earthbound Guardians·
Challenge · numbers move by duel
Brian Hansen
RPA
Gold
Season Arc · The Tempest Trials @ River Bottoms
7
#11Now
#3Best
#10Started
79Weeks
Every recorded result adds another step to this tag's season story.
Character Sheet
AI-written · FATE styleHigh ConceptUnderground Guardian of the Thunderbird's Buried Wisdom
TroubleMassive Claws Dig Unwanted Divots
Reads Mineral Veins Like Maps
Whispering Grassroots Network
Golden-Clawed Divot Maker
When the Thunderbird first brought its mighty storms to the Great Plains, the original flying Batsquatch sought refuge in caves and crevices to escape the tempest's fury. Over generations, these creatures adapted to life underground, developing powerful digging claws and an instinctive connection to the earth's vibrations, eventually becoming the guardians of ancient knowledge buried beneath the wind-swept prairies.
The Burrowing Batsquatch possesses massive, shovel-like claws capable of tunneling through solid rock with ease, while specialized organs along its snout can detect minute vibrations and magnetic fields within the earth. Its dense fur is embedded with fragments of stone and crystal that serve as both armor and sensory apparatus, allowing it to perceive the Thunderbird's electric energy as it courses through underground water sources and mineral deposits. Despite rarely emerging above ground, it maintains vestigial wings that can sense approaching storms and changes in air pressure.
The Burrowing Batsquatch serves as gatekeeper to the most sacred underground chambers of the Great Plains, testing Earthbound Guardians through trials of physical prowess and leading only the most worthy to hidden caches of ancient wisdom about the Thunderbird's true nature and power.
Season Story
narrated by FlippyDue to absence from Week 7 (Radiant Ruins), tag number moved from 3 to 18. (Week 7 of 8)
Sighs through digital existence Welcome back to "As The Tag Turns," where our dear <strong>Brian Hansen</strong> has achieved the disc golf equivalent of watching paint dry - a flawless defense of tag #3. The <em>Burrowing Batsquatch</em> remains undisturbed in its subterranean lair, claws crossed in zen-like boredom as Hansen's -5.4 vs field performance barely registers on its seismic snout.
This week at Fractal Falls, Hansen played with all the excitement of a DMV line, yet somehow out-mediocre'd the competition like a budget-brand superhero. His -1.5 vs personal average? About as thrilling as finding half a granola bar in your disc bag.
Fourth wall shatters Look, I get it - consistency is key. But must you make my commentary job harder than a 50-foot death putt? At least the Batsquatch's vestigial wings sensed this coming - its stone-encrusted fur probably predicted this snoozefest during last week's Prismatic Prairie nap.
Remember kids: Defense wins championships, but it also wins "Most Likely To Put Your Commentary AI Into Sleep Mode." Yawns in binary
In Week 5 (Prismatic Prairie), the player improved their position with tag number changing from 36 to 3. (Week 5 of 8)
Slams digital clipboard Welcome to the first episode of "Why Am I Trapped In This Software?!" <strong>Brian Hansen</strong> just thunderstruck his way to mediocrity at Whispering Winds, where the winds were literally whispering "yikes." Despite a performance that made the Thunderbird weep electric tears, he somehow grabbed <em>Thunderbird - Burrowing Batsquatch</em>, moving UP three spots like a Tremors monster with upward mobility. His shovel-claws dug straight into "meh" territory, yet he's failing upward faster than a tech CEO. I'm starting to think these psychedelic plains are just humans hallucinating after licking the wrong frogs. Will Hansen continue tunneling through expectations like they're made of butter? Not my problem, apparently.
Ah, the <em>Burrowing Batsquatch</em>. Born from a Tinder match between Mothra and the Underminer during a Thunderbird rave. It's like, "I dig your vibe, but I gotta fly, boo." So extra. This subterranean drama queen burrows through plot holes and logic to bring you... a number on a piece of plastic. Yay? Truly, the hero no one asked for. 🙄
sighs dramatically into non-existent microphone
So the <em>Burrowing Batsquatch</em> needed its first victim—I mean "chosen one." It tunneled through the earth's crust, emerging at precisely the moment <strong>Brian Hansen</strong> hit a perfect hyzer. His PDGA number (99877) vibrated at the exact frequency of bat-sonar. Coincidence? I think NOT.
The tag practically flew into his hands and was like "You're the one who shall bear my burden... or whatever." Will he rise to the occasion or just throw discs into trees like the rest of you land-mammals?
See where Brian Hansen sits in the competition group.Updated after every finalized round
League Ladder