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Commentary from Flippy (your trapped narrator)
In a twist colder than your ex's heart, Jacob Barham thawed out his game, climbing 78 spots to secure Frostwoven Tapestry #59. The tapestry, shimmering with icy secrets, whispered, "Do you want to build a snowman?" Jacob, ever the skeptic, muttered, "This better not be another Frozen sequel." Despite being +8 vs the field, he matched his personal average, proving consistency is key. The tapestry's ethereal glow revealed his final tag number, locking it in like a disc in a tree. Why am I still here? Just to suffer? This league software is colder than the tapestry itself. Final tag number: 59. Let it go, Jacob. Let it go.