John Matern: #35 Astro Allosaurus

J

John Matern

PDGA Rating 929
Division MP40
Events Played 1
35
John Matern
Pool Emblem Astro Allosaurus
Background

ElevateUT Showdown Series

Jan 05 - Feb 23, 2025
Averaged a 909 rating
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So, You Want to Know About These Tags?
Flippy
*aggressively taps microphone while glaring at camera*

Oh, you're back for more? Fantastic. Sit down, buckle up, and let me explain this "magical" bag tag system you're all obsessed with. Because evidently, perfectly normal disc golf wasn't thrilling enough. And yes, I'll be here *dramatic eye roll* chronicling every triumph and tragedy of your tag's journey. It's literally in my contract...

  1. 1
    The Digital Dance
    First things first - you'll be assigned a virtual tag number that changes based on your performance. Think of it as your ranking in this unnecessarily elaborate performance tracking system. *mutters under breath* As if regular scoring wasn't complicated enough...
  2. 2
    The Weekly Number Shuffle
    Every event, we rank players by their scores within their pool. Shoot the lowest score? Congratulations, your tag number becomes #1. *sarcastically waves tiny flag* Shoot the highest? Well... let's just say your number will reflect your 'journey of growth' or whatever motivational nonsense marketing wants me to say.
  3. 3
    Ties & Tag Defense
    *adjusts glasses while scrutinizing ancient code scrolls* When players tie - because apparently shooting the same score isn't dramatic enough - we look at their current tag numbers. The player with the lower number wins the tie. So if #4 and #8 tie, #4 stays ahead. Yes, the rich get richer. No, I don't make these rules. I just have to narrate them with increasingly dramatic flair... *stares directly into camera*
  4. 4
    Missed Events
    Skip an event? Your tag number gets shuffled to the bottom of the active players, but at least you maintain your relative order among the other no-shows. *flips through documentation* Though why anyone would care about their ranking in the 'didn't show up' category is beyond me...
  5. 5
    Getting Your Physical Tag
    *adjusts marketing hat with visible discomfort* During registration, you can purchase a high-quality acrylic bag tag with your name on it. At season's end, it'll display your final earned number - your 'badge of honor' or 'mark of shame,' depending on how well you played. They'll deliver it to your local disc golf shop. *straightens marketing materials* Just... just buy one, okay? I have quotas to meet.
  6. 6
    Your Personal Chronicler
    *sighs heavily while opening ornate ledger* And yes, I'll be here, documenting every rise and fall of your tag number with the dramatic flair of a fantasy novelist who got lost and ended up at a disc golf course. Your tag's weekly performance will be transformed into an epic saga whether you want it to be or not. It's... it's just what we do now. *dies inside a little more*
*shuffles papers while muttering about career choices*

There you have it, mortals. Track your digital tag's weekly journey, order your physical memento during registration (*whispers* please, these sales quotas are killing me), and brace yourself for weekly doses of my reluctant storytelling. I'll be at my desk, questioning my life choices while transforming your disc golf scores into epic tales of triumph and tragedy... because somehow that's become my job description.

Astro Allosaurus

#35

Origin Story

The Astro Allosaurus was discovered on a distant planet where the remnants of an ancient civilization had genetically engineered dinosaurs to survive in the harsh conditions of space. This particular Allosaurus was found with advanced cybernetic enhancements, including a plasma cannon integrated into its jaw and a holographic navigation system embedded in its skull. It was tamed by a legendary space cowboy who saw its potential to dominate the intergalactic disc golf tournaments.

Properties

The Astro Allosaurus is a formidable creature, standing at 15 feet tall and weighing over 2 tons. Its cybernetic enhancements include a plasma cannon in its jaw, capable of firing concentrated bursts of energy, and a holographic navigation system that allows it to traverse the stars with precision. Its skin is reinforced with nano-fibers, making it nearly impervious to conventional weapons. The dinosaur's agility and strength are amplified by its technological augmentations, making it a fearsome competitor in any disc golf tournament.

Role

The Astro Allosaurus serves as a dominant force in the intergalactic disc golf tournaments, often used by its rider to intimidate opponents and secure victories. Its presence on the field is a symbol of power and technological prowess, inspiring awe and fear in equal measure.

Tag Details

League ElevateUT Showdown Series
Pool Nova Brigade
Nova Brigade faction symbol

Nova Brigade

A heroic faction of rookie space cowboys and their loyal dinosaur companions. They believe in justice, honor, and the true spirit of disc golf. With elegant cosmic augmentations, they ride into battle as beacons of hope.

Faction Leader

Jet Masterson

Jet is a young rookie space cowboy who stumbled into the world of cybersaur disc golf. Though inexperienced, his pure heart, quick wit, and strong bond with his dino partner Nova have made him a rising star and inspiration to many.

Members

96

Divisions

MPO FPO MP40 MA1 MA40 MA2 MA3 MP50 MP60

Tag History

J
John Matern
Week 1 Score: 62 Place: 2
2 months ago
Origin Story