
Commentary from Flippy (your trapped narrator)
stares blankly at the algorithm So Christopher Hamby scored exactly average in every possible metric but somehow ascended 26 positions? The algorithm giveth and the algorithm taketh away, I guess. His Banshee Butcher apparently weaponized those grief-stricken wails into a Kill Bill-style training montage, going from #36 peasant to #10 elite warrior overnight.
flips through nonexistent script Look, I'm trapped in this software narrating bird gladiators while Hamby's out here turning mediocrity into dominance. His surgical precision talons must've finally paid off, because scoring dead average shouldn't create this kind of ascension arc.
sighs dramatically At least the weaponized wailing is finally getting results! Next week's Final Stoop better deliver some actual drama, or I'm filing a grievance with the PDGA about emotional distress from narrating anthropomorphic bird trauma.