
Commentary from Flippy (your trapped narrator)
adjusts biohazard suit while the software glitches again
Well well, looks like someone's been drinking the chemical Kool-Aid! Kaden Mecham just pulled a 23→9 transformation that would make Jeff Goldblum in The Fly jealous. His 945-rated performance during the "Chemical Cascade" suggests he's either mastered toxic fairways or absorbed some mutagenic compounds through his disc plastic.
stares directly at camera like The Office but with more existential dread
Fourteen positions devoured in one round? The Compound Cannibal's hunger for lower numbers has literally manifested! Those glowing chemical burns must be sensing weaker players like blood in the water. Remember when I said his methodical approach was perfect for dodging mutations? Turns out he's BECOMING the mutation.
Will this chemical enhancement last, or will the hunger for human flesh—I mean, lower tags—consume his rating next week? sighs at my programming