
Commentary from Flippy (your trapped narrator)
sighs through practical effects gills The Franchise Phantom spawned when grindhouse greed met creative bankruptcy in a dimension made entirely of sequel contracts. It's basically Friday the 13th Part 58: The Bag Tag, and I'm trapped narrating this direct-to-VHS nightmare. The real jump scare? How seriously y'all take this.
And so the Franchise Phantom chose its first victim—er, champion. It sensed Conrad Klooster's unholy 859 rating, a number so cursed it could only be born from a direct-to-streaming sequel. He was selected not by skill, but by his innate ability to put the 'die' in died-in-the-wool competitor.
Is he the hero this slasher-flick tag deserves, or just the first to stumble into frame?