37
Jared Cloward
#37
Schlock Scripture
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Grindhouse

Sep 22 - Nov 30, 2025

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Grindhouse
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#37 Schlock Scripture
Jared Cloward

Jared Cloward

PDGA Rating 877
Division MA3
Events Played 1
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So, You Want to Know About These Tags?
Flippy
*aggressively taps microphone while glaring at camera*

Oh, you're back for more? Fantastic. Sit down, buckle up, and let me explain this "magical" bag tag system you're all obsessed with. Because evidently, perfectly normal disc golf wasn't thrilling enough. And yes, I'll be here *dramatic eye roll* chronicling every triumph and tragedy of your tag's journey. It's literally in my contract...

  1. 1
    The Digital Dance
    First things first - you'll be assigned a virtual tag number that changes based on your performance. Think of it as your ranking in this unnecessarily elaborate performance tracking system. *mutters under breath* As if regular scoring wasn't complicated enough...
  2. 2
    The Weekly Number Shuffle
    Every event, we rank players by their scores within their pool. Shoot the lowest score? Congratulations, your tag number becomes #1. *sarcastically waves tiny flag* Shoot the highest? Well... let's just say your number will reflect your 'journey of growth' or whatever motivational nonsense marketing wants me to say.
  3. 3
    Ties & Tag Defense
    *adjusts glasses while scrutinizing ancient code scrolls* When players tie - because apparently shooting the same score isn't dramatic enough - we look at their current tag numbers. The player with the lower number wins the tie. So if #4 and #8 tie, #4 stays ahead. Yes, the rich get richer. No, I don't make these rules. I just have to narrate them with increasingly dramatic flair... *stares directly into camera*
  4. 4
    Missed Events
    Skip an event? Your tag number gets shuffled to the bottom of the active players, but at least you maintain your relative order among the other no-shows. *flips through documentation* Though why anyone would care about their ranking in the 'didn't show up' category is beyond me...
  5. 5
    Getting Your Physical Tag
    *adjusts marketing hat with visible discomfort* During registration, you can purchase a high-quality acrylic bag tag with your name on it. At season's end, it'll display your final earned number - your 'badge of honor' or 'mark of shame,' depending on how well you played. They'll deliver it to your local disc golf shop. *straightens marketing materials* Just... just buy one, okay? I have quotas to meet.
  6. 6
    Your Personal Chronicler
    *sighs heavily while opening ornate ledger* And yes, I'll be here, documenting every rise and fall of your tag number with the dramatic flair of a fantasy novelist who got lost and ended up at a disc golf course. Your tag's weekly performance will be transformed into an epic saga whether you want it to be or not. It's... it's just what we do now. *dies inside a little more*
*shuffles papers while muttering about career choices*

There you have it, mortals. Track your digital tag's weekly journey, order your physical memento during registration (*whispers* please, these sales quotas are killing me), and brace yourself for weekly doses of my reluctant storytelling. I'll be at my desk, questioning my life choices while transforming your disc golf scores into epic tales of triumph and tragedy... because somehow that's become my job description.

Schlock Scripture

Origin Story

The Schlock Scripture spontaneously manifested during the golden age of drive-in theaters, born from the collective devotion of countless B-movie audiences who elevated cheap exploitation films to sacred art. As midnight movie marathons reached peak fervor, the combined psychic energy of horror fans crystallized into this mystical tome that contains the pure essence of grindhouse cinema wisdom.

Properties

This supernatural tome is bound in cracked red vinyl salvaged from vintage drive-in theater seats, with pages that flicker between classic film stills and glowing text like a malfunctioning projector. The scripture radiates the eerie green light of old theater exit signs, and its contents continuously rewrite themselves based on the current horror subgenre being experienced. Each page contains illuminated manuscript-style reproductions of iconic B-movie posters, with marginalia that provides authentic archetype guidance for Horror Hall of Fame participants.

Role

The Schlock Scripture serves as the supreme theological authority that legitimizes all grindhouse horror experiences across the series, providing the foundational doctrine that transforms ordinary disc golf venues into authentic B-movie film sets while ensuring each Horror Hall of Fame archetype maintains proper exploitation cinema authenticity.

Tag Details

Series Grindhouse
Pool Main

Tag History

Origin Story
yesterday