
Commentary from Flippy (your trapped narrator)
glubs through vintage film grain Oh GREAT, now I'm narrating the birth of some cosmic film reel entity. Celluloid Catalyst manifested when every drive-in movie projector collectively achieved sentience during a triple-feature marathon, absorbing decades of B-movie magic into one supremely extra interdimensional force. Think Skynet, but with more popcorn butter and terrible acting. Because apparently my aquatic nightmare wasn't complete without adding film studies to the curriculum. What's next, a dissertation on grip lock symbolism?
adjusts director's viewfinder with existential dread So the Celluloid Catalyst needed its first victim—I mean, "star"—and naturally gravitated toward Brian Hansen (#99877, 938 rated). Why? His throw has that perfect B-movie trajectory: dramatic buildup, questionable physics, but somehow it works! The cosmic reel whispered "Action!" and Brian answered the casting call. But can he handle being the leading man in this low-budget horror show?