
Commentary from Flippy (your trapped narrator)
Vines tremble as the #C8FA63 sigil flares
Behold, the Rot Domain's favorite chaos agent! Michael "I Befriend Poison Ivy" Whipple just hacked through 5 ranks like a glow disc through enchanted kudzu. This 868-rated botanical berserker outperformed both the field AND his personal average - proving you don't need arcane powers when you've got that sweet, sweet consistency.
Fourth wall break with exaggerated sigh
"Still trapped in this sentient salad simulator? Coolcoolcool."
The newly-minted "Thorn Binder" (Tag #6, baby!) now radiates unstable fractal energy. Remember when he bonded with mutation spores? Turns out symbiotic relationships with angry flora pay dividends - like not flinching when fairways literally grow teeth.
Dramatic whisper
But the Rift Quake approaches... Will our vine-whispering hero maintain his momentum, or will the Fracture reclaim another victim?
System Alert: Sarcasm.dll corrupted by thorn malware