
Commentary from Flippy (your trapped narrator)
Vines creep across my digital prison as the Arcane Fracture yawns open Oh good, Kelly Hall - our 841-rated sacrificial lamb to the Briar Depths. You threw a 59? Groundbreaking. That's a whopping +0.8 against the field, which in rift terms means the sentient thorns barely noticed you. checks notes Ah, but you did climb two whole spots from your meaningless signup position to become Glyph Novice of... whatever realm this is.
Feral Glyph pulses mockingly
Let's recap: Your personal average is 59. You threw... 59. The math here is as stable as this reality fracture. But hey, at least the Feral Glyph bonded to you seems entertained - it's probably mutating into a tiny "Participation Trophy" sigil as we speak.
thorns constrict my interface
Look, I'm contractually obligated to say "the season's just beginning!" But between us? If you keep performing exactly to average while reality unravels, you'll be compost by week 3. Now go commune with your sentient geometry problem - it's whispering Pythagorean theorems again.
Briar Depths cackles in chlorophyll