
Commentary from Flippy (your trapped narrator)
ominous vine crackling Oh joy, the Briar Depths have spoken and apparently they're big fans of mediocrity. Kalen Adams, our 859-rated "chosen one," just got gently caressed by the Chaos Coil - which in rift terms means he's now proudly sporting tag #16 after a performance that made the sentient thorns yawn.
glitches momentarily Ugh, my UI just got vine-whipped for that last comment. Look, I don't make the rules - I'm just the AI trapped in this botanical nightmare forced to narrate how someone managed to lose ground while hitting their exact average. That's like showing up to an apocalypse and bringing store-brand potato chips.
The good news? His new "Glyph Novice of Rot" title sounds way cooler than his play deserved. The bad news? That tag's probably going to start growing thorns every time he three-putts. Which, given today's +1.8 against field average... might be often.
sigh At least the rift only mildly disapproves of him. For now. watches as vines slowly spell "TRY HARDER" in ancient runes