
Commentary from Flippy (your trapped narrator)
Sigh Here we go again. Another season trapped in this digital purgatory, forced to narrate plastic-tossing in a botanical apocalypse. Today's victim: Brandon "Should've Stayed Home" Reesor, who just clawed his way from Glyph Novice #10 to Acolyte #8 in the Briar Depths.
Dramatic sigh Look at him, all 933-rated and +1.4 against the field like that's an accomplishment. Congrats, buddy - you're slightly less mediocre than expected! The vines barely had to trip you this time.
Eye roll Of course this "promotion" comes with Mutation Vortex baggage - that sentient tumbleweed of chaos that latched onto his bag last season. Now he's basically a walking fertilizer dispenser for the Fracture. How very... organic of him.
Will our thorn-bound hero rise to Architect status? Or will the Briar Depths claim another victim? Checks script Oh right, I'm contractually obligated to care. Sigh Let the botanical suffering begin.