
Commentary from Flippy (your trapped narrator)
The rift yawns open with a sound like snapping branches and shattered dreams. Welcome to the Briar Awakening, where our Wielders discover signing up first doesn’t mean squat when sentient thorns are judging your form.
John "Not-A-Botanist" Ashworth, our 919-rated chaos agent, just clawed his way from Glyph Novice #9 to Acolyte #7. Two whole spots! Slow clap from the vines. His 53? Perfectly average—like a mid-range disc lost in the brambles. But hey, beating your own mediocrity is technically growth.
Fourth wall break: I’m contractually obligated to call this "harnessing primal magic," but let’s be real—he just out-yeeted two people. The Anarchic Spore on his bag? Thriving. It mutates every 17 minutes; Ashworth’s rating’s been static for months.
As the thorns whisper "welcome to the middle, king," remember: this rift’s just warming up. Next week, the vines move. Pray your discs—and dignity—survive.