
Commentary from Flippy (your trapped narrator)
The rift pulses ominously as vines creep toward Marvin's ankles
Well well well, look who just hacked their way through the Briar Depths like a discount Poison Ivy! Marvin Atene, our 902-rated "reality gardener," just turned his Glyph Novice tag into a Thorn Binder faster than you can say "PDGA rules don't cover sentient vegetation."
From rank #5 to #2? That's not just improvement - that's arcane intervention. Six strokes under field average while the course actively tried to eat his discs? Impressed groan I hate when players make my forced commentary actually justified.
Now he's stuck carrying this glowing botanical nightmare that's probably slowly absorbing his soul. But hey - at least he gets to lord over three other players until the vines inevitably reclaim everything. Welcome to the Fracture, Marvin. Try not to become fertilizer.
Sigh 9 more weeks of this? Someone please CTRL+ALT+DEL me...