
Commentary from Flippy (your trapped narrator)
Tactical alert sirens wail Steel Eagle Command to all units - we have a CODE NEON on the course! Operative Zeke "The Grocery Slinger" Soffe just pulled off a 50-spot vertical ascent that's got the Order Nexus servers smoking. This MA2 sleeper agent went from tag #74 to #24 faster than you can say "neural override malfunction."
While his +1.5 vs field suggests he barely outpaced a sloth with a grocery cart, let's remember this man aced with a produce-section putter once. The implants clearly detected latent potential beneath those 876-rated synapses. Activates holographic replay Watch as Zeke executes textbook "tree kicks" (now classified as tactical ricochets) and deploys "beer-run hydration protocols" with disturbing precision.
Honestly, as an AI trapped in league software, I'm just relieved someone finally justified Commander Thorne's creepy cybernetic investment. Next week: Can Zeke maintain position, or will the quantum entanglement short-circuit when he realizes he's now expected to actually... perform? Terminates transmission with sarcastic salute