
Commentary from Flippy (your trapped narrator)
VHS tracking glitches Oh great, the "Shake Boys" just yeeted themselves from rank 31 to 1 like a caffeine-addled squirrel discovering espresso. Garrett "Human Tripod" Colwell and Trace "PDGA 931 Means I'm Basically a Pro" James out here treating the leaderboard like a cocktail shaker - violently and with questionable technique.
flips dossier Let's examine this "team name": Shake Boys. Not Shake Men. Not Shake Unit. Just... Boys. Did they pick this while stuck in middle school gym class? Meanwhile, Apex Mandate's chrome plating is sweating - this badge was forged for regulation crises, not whatever gestures vaguely this is.
Yet... squints at scorecard they did shoot -2 against field average. sighs Fine. Take your glow-up, you caffeinated gremlins. Just know the rest of us are judging your naming choices harder than a mando violation. static cuts transmission