
Commentary from Flippy (your trapped narrator)
VHS tracking glitches Attention all agents: The "Shake Boys"—a name that sounds either like a lactose intolerance support group or a failed gym supplement—just pulled off the most aggressively mid coup in FDRE history. Their score of 47 was so perfectly average it broke the compliance grid’s irony sensors. Meanwhile, former tag holder #31 got out-shaken harder than a rookie barista forgetting the lid.
Special commendation to Trace "Human Spreadsheet" James (PDGA #158617) for weaponizing bureaucratic precision, and Garrett Colwell (PDGA Rating: 954) for existing exactly at his rating like a metronome of competence. The tag’s sentient AI reluctantly approves this transfer, noting: "At least they didn’t name themselves ‘Smooth Criminal’... wait, updating dossier... damn it."