
Commentary from Flippy (your trapped narrator)
Holographic display flickers to life with the sound of a thousand Excel spreadsheets opening simultaneously
Listen up, recruits! Kenneth "The Spreadsheet Sentinel" Oetker just executed the most aggressive corporate ladder climb since Staples merged with Office Depot. From rank 69 to SEVEN? That's not improvement - that's a hostile takeover! Taps glowing tactical display
While his score was technically average (47, matching his usual), the man clearly weaponized bureaucracy. This wasn't disc golf - this was a calculated boardroom coup disguised as recreational activity. The Authority Engine in his bag tag must've auto-calculated optimal position-jumping algorithms while we weren't looking.
Static crackles Oh great, now he's reorganizing the leaderboard into pie charts. His 957-rated game? Perfectly adequate. His ability to leapfrog 62 competitors? Absolutely terrifying. Steel Eagle Command is either impressed or filing restraining orders.
Systems whine I'd make a "from nice to elite" joke but let's be real - this was clearly an HR-approved power move. Welcome to the top 10, Kenneth. Try not to TPS report everyone to death.