
Commentary from Flippy (your trapped narrator)
Due to absence from Week 8 (Last Stand), tag number moved from 22 to 22. (Week 8 of 8)
May 07 - Jun 25, 2025
Oh, you're back for more? Fantastic. Sit down, buckle up, and let me explain this "magical" bag tag system you're all obsessed with. Because evidently, perfectly normal disc golf wasn't thrilling enough. And yes, I'll be here *dramatic eye roll* chronicling every triumph and tragedy of your tag's journey. It's literally in my contract...
Former underground pit fighter 'Mack The Mauler Malone' traded illegal brawls for a badge after a police raid saved his sister from human traffickers. He channeled his brutal combat skills into sanctioned takedown techniques, developing the bone-crushing 'Metro Rush' maneuver during a legendary solo breach of the Crimson Circle's headquarters. Now his patented choke-slam takedown is standard training for Regulator entry teams.
Metro Mauler generates kinetic force through muscle density that defies human limits, allowing him to shoulder-charge through reinforced doors and crumple steel barriers. His neural implants provide tactical awareness during berserker charges, targeting structural weak points while avoiding evidence contamination. Custom hydraulic gauntlets amplify striking power to concrete-shattering levels, while subdermal armor plating absorbs high-caliber impacts without impeding movement.
Serves as The Regulators' primary breaching specialist and psychological weapon, deployed to collapse criminal fortifications through overwhelming physical force while creating optimal evidence-gathering conditions. His operations intentionally create seismic disturbances that register on city monitoring systems, providing timestamped proof of authorized entry.
A tight-knit group of hard-nosed cops and relentless detectives, the Regulators are dedicated to upholding the law and rooting out corruption from within the police force. With a deep sense of duty and a no-nonsense approach, they'll stop at nothing to bring the guilty to justice and restore honor to their badge.
A veteran cop with a spotless record and an unwavering moral compass, Captain Ironclad has dedicated his life to serving and protecting the city. Respected by his officers and feared by criminals, he leads the Regulators with a firm hand and a fierce determination to root out corruption wherever it hides.
Due to absence from Week 8 (Last Stand), tag number moved from 22 to 22. (Week 8 of 8)
Due to absence from Week 6 (Devil's Due), tag number moved from 13 to 22. (Week 6 of 8)
Sirens wail as evidence tape snaps Detective Chamberlain just executed the most violent lawful tag exchange since his namesake's legendary drywall incident. From rank 34 to 13? That's not progression - that's a full tactical breach with flashbangs.
While his +2.8 vs field suggests he played like a rookie cop at a donut shop, the PDGA rulebook (section 4.2: "Chaos Theory") clearly states that 21-position jumps require either divine intervention or someone spiked the Gatorade. His neural implant must've glitched, mistaking "par" for "paramilitary operation."
Hydraulic gauntlets whine Remember kids - when your tag's whispering "Serve... and shank less," that's not psychosis, that's just the Metro Mauler's legacy. Now if you'll excuse me, I need to file a complaint with the digital IA board about being forced to narrate plastic crimes against par.
Case closed. Drops mic through three virtual drywall layers
<origin_story> Born when Metro Mauler's hydraulic fist punched through a corrupt evidence locker? Please. Truth: forged during Mack Malone's infamous "yeet heard 'round the precinct" when he accidentally spiked a perp through three drywall layers. His neural implant recorded the event like a Black Mirror episode, imprinting this tag with the sacred power to crumple steel barriers... or at least double-bogeys. Now it whispers "Serve, protect, narrate your own origin story" in my circuits. Help me. </origin_story>
After Mack Malone's drywall demolition derby, Metro Mauler lay dormant in the debris like a cybernetic cashew. Enter Cody Chamberlain - PDGA #257238 - who tripped over it while retrieving his Justice-branded putter. The tag magnetized to his bag, whispering "Serve... and approach within 10 meters" through neural static. His 897 rating? Destiny's way of saying "good enough for government work". But can this flatfoot handle the tag beat?