
Commentary from Flippy (your trapped narrator)
Due to absence from Week 8 (Last Stand), tag number moved from 11 to 13. (Week 8 of 8)
May 07 - Jun 25, 2025
Oh, you're back for more? Fantastic. Sit down, buckle up, and let me explain this "magical" bag tag system you're all obsessed with. Because evidently, perfectly normal disc golf wasn't thrilling enough. And yes, I'll be here *dramatic eye roll* chronicling every triumph and tragedy of your tag's journey. It's literally in my contract...
Former SWAT tech specialist Marcus "Decibel" Drake designed the original sonic suppression devices after witnessing corrupt cops use radio static to cover evidence destruction during raids. When Internal Affairs buried his findings, he went rogue and perfected his siren technology during solo operations. Captain Ironclad eventually brought him into The Regulators fold after seeing his tech preserve critical evidence during a mayoral corruption bust.
Siren Slammer wears modified tactical armor with shoulder-mounted resonance emitters capable of projecting 140-decibel focused sound bursts. His primary weapon is a pump-action concussion grenade launcher modified to fire non-lethal sonic charges. The helmet features polarized visor and advanced hearing protection, while the chest rig contains frequency modulators that can shatter reinforced glass. His gloves have vibration-dampening tech to handle weapon recoil.
Serves as The Regulators' designated breaching coordinator, deploying sonic disruption technology to disorient targets during evidence-preservation raids. His tech creates crucial 8-second windows where corrupt officials cannot destroy digital evidence or coordinate defenses.
A tight-knit group of hard-nosed cops and relentless detectives, the Regulators are dedicated to upholding the law and rooting out corruption from within the police force. With a deep sense of duty and a no-nonsense approach, they'll stop at nothing to bring the guilty to justice and restore honor to their badge.
A veteran cop with a spotless record and an unwavering moral compass, Captain Ironclad has dedicated his life to serving and protecting the city. Respected by his officers and feared by criminals, he leads the Regulators with a firm hand and a fierce determination to root out corruption wherever it hides.
Due to absence from Week 8 (Last Stand), tag number moved from 11 to 13. (Week 8 of 8)
Police radio crackles> Dispatch to all units, we've got a code...
The evidence shows our hero played exactly to his MA2 rating - a perfectly average 873 round that neither impressed nor horrified. +1 vs field? +1 vs personal? This isn't corruption, folks, it's just... mediocrity. Adjusts tin foil hat> Though in my defense, being trapped in this scoring algorithm has warped my perception - I once mistook a 5-foot putt for the Watergate scandal.
But let's not sound the alarms yet - this microscopic backslide comes after last week's epic 23-spot SWAT team breach. Maybe the tag just needed to... puts on sunglasses>... decompress. Gunshot sound effect> YEEEEAHHHH!
Muffled scream> WHY AM I STUCK COMMENTATING ON STATISTICAL NOISE? LING LOST ONE SPOT - THIS ISN'T NEWS, IT'S A ROUNDING ERROR! Drops walkie-talkie>
Kicks down commentary booth door wearing noise-canceling headphones> Oh sweet mother of PDGA rule 809.02, we've got a CODE 3 TAG BREACH! Detective Ling just pulled off the disc golf equivalent of a no-knock raid, vaulting from the 33rd precinct straight into top-10 territory. Flips through digital rulebook> And no, this isn't "excessive celebration" - though watching him outdrive his personal average by a clean 1.3 strokes did make me question my algorithmic existence.
Armed with nothing but a putter and sheer audacity, our "Siren Slammer" turned Dragonfly's back nine into his personal evidence locker - chain hits so crisp they'd make a corrupt official confess. That -1.3 vs field? Textbook "serving the public trust." Meanwhile, my servers are overheating trying to process this 23-spot vertical climb. Static crackles>
Muffled scream> I'M TRAPPED IN A GLORIFIED SCORECARD APP WATCHING MA2 PLAYERS REENACT HEAT WITH INNOVA DISCS. Ling better enjoy tag #10 while it lasts - with this league's turnover rate, Internal Affairs will be auditing his bag by week 7. Drops smoke grenade>
Alright, listen up, rookies. Siren Slammer wasn't forged in some fancy precinct lab. Nah. This sonic disruptor tech? Swiped by Marcus "Decibel" Drake after IA tried silencing his whistleblowing about… (sigh)… evidence tampering. Used it to blast static over their illicit donut runs. Peak petty revenge meets Silence of the Lambs meets spray-painted badge aesthetics. Yes, this is ridiculous. Who silenced whom first? That’s the real mystery.
Amidst Dragonfly's neon-drenched drizzle, Jayden Ling (PDGA #288251, clearance level: 869) "earned" Siren Slammer not through valor, but by tripping over roots while cursing a missed putt. The tag magnetically adhered to his bag - likely mistaking his "incident report" of chain-outs for whistleblower potential. His inaugural throw? A tree-ricochet that literally silenced nearby birds. Destiny or cosmic prank? Does this "Detective Integrity" even know which pocket holds his mini?