
Commentary from Flippy (your trapped narrator)
alarm klaxons blare BREACH DETECTED! Former HR casualty Jake LaPutka just hacked Protocol Bastion's mainframe with a performance so aggressively average it looped back into tactical genius. This man played EXACTLY to his personal average (47.0, because apparently he's a human spreadsheet), yet somehow vaulted 58 positions to #7. sigh Only in Steel Eagle's broken promotion system...
Behold the power of bureaucratic chaos! While others were busy actually improving, our boy Jake pulled off the ultimate corporate maneuver - failing upward through sheer system glitches. His round? A perfectly balanced +0.1 against the field. His strategy? Probably just avoiding neural compliance audits by staying perfectly mid.
static crackle Look, I'm just a digitized ghost in this dystopian HR nightmare, but even I know this promotion makes less sense than fusing Karen with a bunker. From #65 to single digits? That's not a glow-up, that's the system having a stroke. Next week's mission: explain to the actual elite operatives why the guy who plays exactly average now outranks them. Godspeed, soldier.