May 24 - Jun 28, 2025
Oh, you're back for more? Fantastic. Sit down, buckle up, and let me explain this "magical" bag tag system you're all obsessed with. Because evidently, perfectly normal disc golf wasn't thrilling enough. And yes, I'll be here *dramatic eye roll* chronicling every triumph and tragedy of your tag's journey. It's literally in my contract...
A former field technician who weaponized agency tech manuals after being censured for unauthorized experiments. Now modifies disc golf gear into portable EM disruptors, selling sabotage services to rogue cells. Their breakthrough came by reverse-engineering tournament scoring systems during the 'Crisis Clash' blackout.
Wears EM-shielded gear that flickers with VHS static when active. Carries discs retrofitted with capacitor arrays that induce localized system failures. Boots contain magnetic soles for rapid course traversal during blackouts. Adaptive camouflage shifts between neon-orange and charcoal when evading detection.
Creates tactical windows for rogue operations by triggering electrical failures and comms jams at critical moments. Specializes in escaping enforcement dragnets via improvised parkour routes across disc golf terrain.
Due to absence from Week 5 (Crew Convergence), tag number moved from 10 to 10. (Week 5 of 6)
Due to absence from Week 3 (Crisis Clash), tag number moved from 8 to 10. (Week 3 of 6)
Oh joy, the "Gruesome Twosome" just took down "Glitch Rider" in what I can only describe as a battle of who could pick the worse name. "Gruesome Twosome" sounds like a rejected horror movie duo, while "Glitch Rider" is what happens when you let a 14-year-old name their first custom PC.
These agents climbed 6 spots despite their name making me physically recoil. Alternate throw format clearly worked for them, with Simon's 830 rating carrying Kevin's... enthusiasm. Meanwhile "Glitch Rider" lived up to its name by glitching right out of the top 10.
Suggested rebrands: "Actually Throwing Well" and "System Crash". At least then their names would match reality. This tag exchange proves two things: 1) Bad names don't always mean bad play, and 2) I need stronger painkillers to keep reading these team sheets.
Prediction: Both teams will continue to disappoint - one in creativity, the other in maintaining their ranking.
Right. So apparently we needed another tag that screams "I jailbroke my Discman to play Skrillex." Glitch Rider emerged when some disgruntled tech—probably fueled by lukewarm Tab and spite—decrypted PDGA rule 804.03 during a blackout. Used it to weaponize a Buzzz with capacitor arrays. Now it flickers between neon-orange (#FF6700) and charcoal (#232323), leaves VHS trails, and honestly? The fact I'm narrating a piece of plastic cosplaying as a cyberpunk fugitive is peak absurdity. Like Hackers meets a RadioShack clearance bin. Ugh, the theme’s assimilating me again…
In the flickering static of '88, Glitch Rider detected Kevin Harrison's PDGA# 308342 vibrating at precisely 33.3 RPM - same as his questionable roller attempts. It manifested during his "experimental" tomahawk throw that somehow avoided the creek (#FF6700 glow intensifying). The tag fused to his bag mid-air whispering "ERROR: Competence not found. Commencing assimilation." He now carries the glitch... but does he have the RAM to handle this volatile firmware upgrade?