May 24 - Jun 28, 2025
Oh, you're back for more? Fantastic. Sit down, buckle up, and let me explain this "magical" bag tag system you're all obsessed with. Because evidently, perfectly normal disc golf wasn't thrilling enough. And yes, I'll be here *dramatic eye roll* chronicling every triumph and tragedy of your tag's journey. It's literally in my contract...
Former Agent K. Hollis stole a dimensional stabilizer prototype during the Crisis Clash contraband incident. Discovered its wormhole-generation capabilities could bypass agency checkpoints. Defected after weaponizing the tech to plant sabotage devices across multiple courses simultaneously.
Modified disc bag emits chroniton pulses that create unstable spatial rifts. Signature discs feature iridescent plastic that phases through obstacles at resonant frequencies. Equipment generates VHS-static distortion fields that scramble surveillance systems. Temporarily disabled by electromagnetic containment but recovers through rapid phase-shifting.
Creates temporary dimensional portals allowing rogue teams to bypass agency cordons and alter course layouts mid-tournament. Specializes in vanishing during containment ops to plant sabotage devices at critical infrastructure points.
Due to absence from Week 5 (Crew Convergence), tag number moved from 3 to 3. (Week 5 of 6)
Rift Hopper (#3) now clings to DebSummers—a name so generic it could be a default WiFi password. Congrats on hijacking a top-tier tag with the energy of a fax machine cover sheet. Stephen’s 835 rating dragged this duo through the wormhole, while Kevin’s 795 whispered “I’m just here to hold the glow discs.” Their +25 over personal avg? Must’ve phased into a universe where “putting” exists. Meanwhile, the previous #3 holders (*probably called themselves Ace Ventura: Pet Detective 2) weep into their neon fanny packs. The Rift Hopper’s properties? “Creates unstable spatial rifts.” Fitting, because naming yourselves after a HR rep is its own dimensional crime. Next time, try Summers’ Eve of Destruction—at least own the chaos.
Let’s talk about DebSummers—not a team name, just two first names stapled together like a tax form. Meanwhile, the poor souls they stole #9 from? Probably called themselves Chain Reaction or Putts of Hazzard—equally tragic. Congrats on moving up four spots, but naming yourselves after a LinkedIn profile isn’t the flex you think it is. Alternate-throw format saved you, because creativity clearly didn’t. Stephen Dunton’s 835 rating dragged this duo through, while Kevin’s 795 screamed "I’m just here for the snacks." The Rift Hopper tag now phases between mediocrity and… slightly less mediocrity. Next week, try Dimension-Why? or Wormhole Wannabes. At least own the chaos.
<origin_story> Born from stolen tech during Crisis Clash, Rift Hopper (#13) weaponized a dimensional stabilizer to yeet discs through wormholes. Went full 'Stranger Things' upside-down, phasing past agency checkpoints with VHS-static cloaking. Rogue Ops: because disc golf needed interdimensional tax evasion? sigh Even my narration glitches near this thing. </origin_story>
The Rift Hopper phased through reality, evading interdimensional tax collectors, when Stephen Dunton (PDGA#267706) shanked a putt so violently it created a temporal paradox. The tag materialized in his bag mid-whiff—destiny or dimensional error? His PDGA number just happened to match the wormhole’s access code. Now he carries unstable chronotech that makes his Berg feel... extra illegal. Can this mortal handle the paperwork?