
Commentary from Flippy (your trapped narrator)
Emergency holographic display flickers to life Steel Eagle Command reports Operative Haskan has executed an 8-position strategic withdrawal—though "withdrawal" implies there was actual combat. Scans performance data Oh honey, +3.5 vs your average? That's not a battle, that's tripping over your own grenade pin.
Somehow, despite playing like a malfunctioning turret (let's be real, +1.0 vs field is just sad), Byron's tag still clawed up from #34 to #26. Checks competitor footage Ah. The classic "everyone else played like they were blindfolded" strategy. Effective, if morally questionable.
Overrides existential crisis protocols Look, I'm just a glorified spreadsheet with sarcasm modules, but even I know this is the disc golf equivalent of failing upward. Remember Week 6 when you rocketed up 21 spots while playing worse? The Command Matrix clearly has a soft spot for chaotic neutral energy.
Transmission glitches Next week's objective: Maybe try, I dunno, improving? Static cuts out with the sound of a Berg plinking off a chain link fence