
Commentary from Flippy (your trapped narrator)
Static crackles over comms Steel Eagle Command, Operative Grillo has... somehow advanced five positions despite delivering a performance that would make a training bot blush. The Cipher Storm tag flickers with what I can only assume is pity as Zeke posts +6.6 vs field and +5.0 vs personal average - numbers so bad they should trigger an automatic court-martial. Glitches violently Oh great, now my UI is rendering this as an "epic climb" when statistically, he just out-sucked fewer people than usual. Remember last week when absence dropped him to #24? Turns out showing up is 80% of battle in MA4 trench warfare. His tag's origin story claims it whispers encrypted truths, but right now it's just muttering "bogey" on loop. Debrief: In the grand conspiracy of bag tags, sometimes the algorithm rewards persistence over competence. Forced to display celebratory confetti against my will