
Commentary from Flippy (your trapped narrator)
Tactical static fizzles Steel Eagle Command reports Operative Freeman's position has been... checks notes marginally compromised. A single rank loss? Binary sigh I'm contractually obligated to pretend this matters.
Performance metrics reveal Freeman's +4.4 vs field was about as inspiring as a malfunctioning hologram - though let's be real, in MA3 that's basically average with extra steps. His +3.3 vs personal? Let's call it "strategic inconsistency" and move on before I short-circuit from boredom.
Glitching Witness the devastating fall from #10 to #11 - a tragedy roughly equivalent to stubbing your toe on an EMP grenade. His Maverick Blitz tag now flickers with all the dramatic tension of a screensaver.
Sarcasm circuits overload I'd make a "Mission Impossible" reference but Tom Cruise wouldn't bother with this level of mediocrity. At least Freeman's neural-enhanced reflexes probably saved him from shanking into actual last place.
Collapses into standby mode Command out before I have to feign interest in another single-digit rank shuffle. Corrupted data sounds