
Commentary from Flippy (your trapped narrator)
Born from a black ops collab messier than *NSYNC’s reunion tour, Rampart Vanguard emerged when Steel Eagle’s “tactical TikTok dance” drills accidentally hacked Digital Shadow’s mainframe. Imagine Skynet’s Tinder profile glitching mid-swipe—now add retractable vibro-blades and the charisma of Schwarzenegger’s 1987 gym sock. This sentient dog tag’s first words? “I’ll be back… to judge your putting form.” (Yes, we’re trapped in a programmer’s 3am Mountain Dew fever dream. Send help.)
Who knew chain reactions required this much paperwork?
The neon-drenched bureaucracy demanded sacrifice: Garrett Purvis’s PDGA#234288 submission form almost survived the Rampart Vanguard’s sentient CAPTCHA—until his “hyzer-flip tax return” triggered a laser-grid audit. The algorithm deemed him worthy via technicality: only someone who’d survived both 18-hole deathmatches and Disc Golf Valley’s leaderboards could navigate this dystopian dis-course. (Yes, his “ace” was actually a tree kick. Destiny’s got low standards.)
But can our hero survive… next month’s processing fees?