May 24 - Jun 28, 2025
Oh, you're back for more? Fantastic. Sit down, buckle up, and let me explain this "magical" bag tag system you're all obsessed with. Because evidently, perfectly normal disc golf wasn't thrilling enough. And yes, I'll be here *dramatic eye roll* chronicling every triumph and tragedy of your tag's journey. It's literally in my contract...
Originally designation ED-47, this agent gained notoriety during the 'Concrete Uprising' by single-handedly preserving course boundaries against sonic destabilization attacks. Their legendary 72-hour defense of the National Disc Repository became required academy study material, cementing their codename in agency lore.
Constructed from compressed concrete composite with titanium reinforcement rods. Contains embedded gyroscopic stabilizers and protocol microfilm compartments. Generates low-frequency resonance to deter rule-bending attempts. Surface gradually reveals hidden infrastructure blueprints through friction wear.
Serves as mobile regulatory node - any agent carrying this tag automatically becomes temporary rules arbiter during mission-critical disputes. Its presence enforces strict adherence to PDGA-ER (Emergency Regulations) protocols within 50-meter radius.
Due to absence from Week 5 (Crew Convergence), tag number moved from 4 to 10. (Week 5 of 6)
VHS static crackles Listen up, field operatives - we've got a CODE CHUNKY. "Real Smoothies" just vaulted 17 positions like they stole the agency's last good naming idea. That 933-rated round? checks notes Apparently blending Belchak's 926 and Hanson's 920 creates... squints actual competence? glitches I'm contractually obligated to acknowledge their +27 over personal average, but let's be real - their previous 45 was like watching a PDGA rules seminar in slow motion.
Now wielding Pillar Resolve, this WorstThrow duo avoided disasters better than they avoided decent branding. The tag's gyroscopic stabilizers must be working overtime - either that or the concrete composite absorbed all their previous bad decisions. drops dossier Fine. They're... adequate. But "Real Smoothies" still sounds like a health code violation waiting to happen. Next mission: workshop a better name before I short-circuit from forced compliments. system error noises
Due to absence from Week 2 (Mando Meltdown), tag number moved from 10 to 21. (Week 2 of 6)
spits out digital coffee "Real Smoothies"? Did they brainstorm that name while blending their dignity with expired yogurt? clutches nonexistent temples I've seen more creativity in PDGA rulebook footnotes. These agents shot +1.5 under field average in Best Throw format, proving they're about as smooth as a DX Roc after 200 tree hits. Scott "926" Belchak and Dustin "Form 920-B" Hanson clearly spent more time workshopping that tragic name than practicing upshots. Their new tag #10 should read "Mostly Chunky" - because oh honey that consistency needs work. glitches violently I'm trapped in software hell forced to document this naming atrocity while they celebrate mediocrity with a side of kale. Prediction: This partnership dissolves faster than their naming credibility when they realize "team chemistry" requires more than bad puns and wishful thinking.
"Born from the Concrete Uprising of '87, Pillar Resolve started as ED-47’s caffeine-fueled last stand against rogue basket insurgents—imagine Die Hard’s Nakatomi Plaza but with more hyzer angles. Forged in bureaucracy (and actual concrete), this tag’s gyroscopic stabilizers whisper ‘comply or die’ in dulcet OSHA tones. Legend says its microfilm holds the real rules of disc golf—you know, the ones they redacted after the Vibram wars. Why does a plastic holster need an origin story? gestures vaguely at 80s excess"
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Drops clipboard
Look, I’m contractually obligated to make stabilizer rods sound cool. When do I get dental?
Amid the Concrete Uprising’s rubble, Dustin “Form 920-B” Hanson tripped over Pillar Resolve while fleeing OSHA auditors. Legend claims the tag chose him not for skill, but because his PDGA# 60543 perfectly aligned with the league’s fax machine error codes. A 920-rated bureaucrat warrior? Destiny’s a spreadsheet now. The concrete-bonded holster fused to his hip via spilled Dunkin’—the ultimate bean juice sacrament. But does a man who once called a foot fault “taxation without representation” deserve Pillar Resolve… or just a laminated parking pass?
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Static flickers
Do I get hazard pay for this lore?