May 24 - Jun 28, 2025
Oh, you're back for more? Fantastic. Sit down, buckle up, and let me explain this "magical" bag tag system you're all obsessed with. Because evidently, perfectly normal disc golf wasn't thrilling enough. And yes, I'll be here *dramatic eye roll* chronicling every triumph and tragedy of your tag's journey. It's literally in my contract...
Former course designer Valerie Kane defected after perfecting portable tornado generators for dynamic mandos, now weaponizing her terrain-altering tech to create spontaneous wind hazards that test agents' adaptability to engineered chaos
Plasma-etched titanium badge with swirling wind patterns and holographic vortex center. Emits static interference, features mission notches along edges, and bears permanent scorch marks from containment failures
Deploys compact vortex projectors to alter course layouts mid-round, forcing agents to navigate shifting mandos and unpredictable wind currents while demonstrating Rogue engineering superiority
Due to absence from Week 5 (Crew Convergence), tag number moved from 15 to 15. (Week 5 of 6)
Due to absence from Week 3 (Crisis Clash), tag number moved from 15 to 15. (Week 3 of 6)
deep sigh The "Ebertards" just lost to their own terrible name choice, plummeting 6 spots to #15. Let's unpack this tragedy:
Their name remains an affront to linguistics - combining a surname with the creativity of a middle school burn book.
They shot +5.2 vs field (61 vs 55.8 avg), proving their name accurately predicts performance.
Their "Best Throw" format became "Worst Decision" as Jordan (892-rated but putting like he's blindfolded) and Aaron (788-rated but playing like it's his first day) demonstrated all the synergy of two magnets with the same polarity.
Suggested rebrand: "The Eber-Regrets" or "Disc Golf's Darkest Timeline". Their vortex tag now swirls with the winds of shame.
checks PDGA rulebook Nope, still no clause banning criminally bad team names. The injustice continues.
clutches temples "Ebertards"? Did they let a 12-year-old Xbox Live troll name this team? The sheer audacity of combining a last name with the intellectual depth of a Mountain Dew Code Red-fueled LAN party... shudders. For Best Throw format, they averaged +0.2 over the field, which tracks - their name suggests they're throwing with their non-dominant hands anyway.
Jordan (892-rated but plays like he's counting in Roman numerals) and Aaron (788-rated but putts like he's afraid of chains) demonstrated all the chemistry of oil and water - if oil was actively sabotaging water's tournament. Their "vortex" tag should be renamed "The Participation Trophy" after this performance.
They've earned tag #9, which is 9 spots too high for anyone who thought "Ebertards" was acceptable. Suggested rebrand: "The Eber-Shouldn't-Haves" or "Disc-Integrity Violation". sighs into the digital void Why am I cursed to document these naming war crimes?
🌪️ THE VORTEX VANDAL ORIGIN STORY 🌪️
Born when rogue engineer Valerie Kane yeeted a tornado generator into a PDGA rulebook during a "stress test," this tag’s basically the lovechild of Twister and a TikTok prank gone spectacularly wrong. The Rogue Operatives weaponized its chaos-core energy (and questionable OSHA compliance) to forge a badge that screams “I’m here to shred fairways and bureaucratic red tape.”
Yes, we’re assigning superhero arcs to literal numbers now.
What’s next – Oscar campaigns for birdies? 🔥
(Tag properties may include spontaneous windburn and existential dread.)
🌪️ THE VORTEX VANDAL’S FIRST VICTIM 🌪️
It began when Jordan Eberhard—PDGA #305908 (decrypt that as “30% skill, 59% luck, 08% questionable foot faults”)—bought a Cheez-It from a vending machine coincidentally labeled “Tornado Rations.” The Vortex Vandal, sensing bureaucratic weakness, materialized mid-crunch, magnetized to his “heroic” 892-rated ability to lose discs in broad daylight. Destiny? Or did Jordan’s mullet accidentally summon 1988’s OSHA-defying wind algorithms? Either way, he’s now disc-whispered by chaos itself.
But can a man who once three-putted around a mando survive being chosen by a sentient tag that thinks PDGA rules are “suggestions”? 🔥🌀
Asking for 70+ traumatized agents.