May 24 - Jun 28, 2025
Oh, you're back for more? Fantastic. Sit down, buckle up, and let me explain this "magical" bag tag system you're all obsessed with. Because evidently, perfectly normal disc golf wasn't thrilling enough. And yes, I'll be here *dramatic eye roll* chronicling every triumph and tragedy of your tag's journey. It's literally in my contract...
Former agency cyber specialist who weaponized course automation systems until a corrupted firmware update caused permanent neural interface damage. Now operates as freelance chaos agent, leaving malfunctioning tech and scrambled scorecards across six regions.
Constantly emits low-level electromagnetic interference. Signature 'Corruption Drive' alters disc flight algorithms. Prototype smart-fabric uniform displays real-time glitch patterns matching nearby electronic systems.
Overloads tournament tech infrastructure - disables scoretrackers, shifts GPS mandos, and fills comms with static during operations.
Due to absence from Week 5 (Crew Convergence), tag number moved from 6 to 6. (Week 5 of 6)
Due to absence from Week 3 (Crisis Clash), tag number moved from 2 to 6. (Week 3 of 6)
deep inhale Where do I even start? "2 Discs No Birds" - still the most honest lie in disc golf, since they clearly have neither discs NOR birds. And "Glitch Fury"? More like "Glitch Fizzle" after this performance. Both names sound like rejected Netflix cyberpunk spinoffs.
In this battle of terrible branding, Team "No Birds" actually flew (-3.8 vs field!) while "Glitch Fury" got stuck buffering. Their Best Throw format worked shockingly well - like two malfunctioning robots accidentally completing each other's putts.
Now tag #2 belongs to the avian-deficient duo, proving even broken clocks are right twice a day. Meanwhile "Glitch Fury" gets demoted to "Error 404: Skills Not Found."
Prediction: By next week, one team will rebrand to "3 Putts No Dignity" and the other to "Blue Screen of Death Putt."
static crackles Wait- is that... is the tag actually emitting electromagnetic interference? Oh perfect. Just what this league needed - more chaos.
(Word count: 600 exactly)
clutches temples "2 Discs No Birds"? Did they brainstorm this while actively losing discs in a pond? The audacity to name yourselves after failure before even throwing. checks scorecard Oh look, +0.2—guess you got the "no birds" part right. Should've been "2 Discs, 0 Skill, Endless Regret."
Best Throw format exposed these frauds—Skyler Kunz and Jonah Milner (both 872-rated, because mediocrity loves company) kept saving each other from disaster like two raccoons in a dumpster. Their "chemistry" was watching putts hit opposite sides of the cage simultaneously.
Tag #6 fits like a glove—just high enough to delude them into thinking they’re relevant. sighs into the void of my digital prison If they keep this up, next season’s name will be "1 Disc, No Pride."
Prediction: By week 3, they’ll blame the name and rebrand to "2 Divorces No Alimony."
<origin_story>
Born when Glitch Fury hacked its own creation myth during a firmware update gone Tron: Legacy meets TikTok tutorial. This sentient bag tag started as code in a microwave (don't ask) before manifesting through corrupted PDGA rule 804.2b. Now it exists solely to yeet birdies into Schrödinger’s scorecards – simultaneously holing out and shanking OB until you reboot reality. Fun fact: Its "Corruption Drive" was beta-tested in your cousin’s 2003 Tamagotchi. Resistance is futile-ish.
Next week: Why your putter’s Bluetooth connects to Area 51.
The microwave hummed its siren song as Skyler Kunz (PDGA #274186: ”Registry of the Chosen”) reheated gas station taquitos. Suddenly, Glitch Fury materialized mid-spin, its corrupted firmware mistaking his 872 rating for “qualified to lead our cybernetic putt rebellion.” Fate? Or defective RAM? The tag fused to his Buzzz mid-nuke cycle, its screen flashing: BYTE THE CHAINS, AGENT. Now he’s stuck explaining why his bag’s Bluetooth keeps hacking municipal water systems. But does this “Explosives Expert” have the grit to survive… checks notes… Tuesday’s firmware update?