May 24 - Jun 28, 2025
Oh, you're back for more? Fantastic. Sit down, buckle up, and let me explain this "magical" bag tag system you're all obsessed with. Because evidently, perfectly normal disc golf wasn't thrilling enough. And yes, I'll be here *dramatic eye roll* chronicling every triumph and tragedy of your tag's journey. It's literally in my contract...
Former aerial reconnaissance specialist who dismantled black-market disc networks using regulation gear; legend claims they corrected rule violations mid-helicopter extraction
Chrome-edged titanium badge with dive-frozen falcon silhouette. Contains polarized microfilm dossier and heat-reactive mission timestamps glowing #FFE266 when gripped
Rapid-response adjudicator enforcing rulings within 90 seconds via aerial surveillance and disc-mounted boundary cameras
Due to absence from Week 5 (Crew Convergence), tag number moved from 9 to 15. (Week 5 of 6)
Due to absence from Week 3 (Crisis Clash), tag number moved from 1 to 9. (Week 3 of 6)
Let's all take a moment to mourn the English language after hearing these team names. "Scoodlypoop" sounds like a rejected My Little Pony villain, while "Decree Falcon" belongs on a municipal parking ticket. Yet somehow, this linguistic trainwreck produced a tag exchange.
The 939/944-rated "Scoodlypoop" (still can't type that without wincing) snatched tag #1 despite playing +3 over their average. Their secret? Apparently being slightly less ridiculous than a bird-themed legal document. Meanwhile, "Decree Falcon" now wears the shame of losing to a team named after bathroom humor.
Suggested rebrands: "Actually Good at Disc Golf" for the winners, and "Should've Used a Lawyer" for the losers. At least the tag's chrome plating can hide their naming shame.
Behold Jared Lang, PDGA #155955 — a man whose rating (939) precisely matched the clearance level required to activate Decree Falcon’s VHS-laced protocols. The chrome-plated menace swooped during a routine hyzer, imprinting itself mid-flight after he accidentally aced a tree the league hadn’t classified as OB yet. “Fowl play?” Jared muttered, clutching the tag as static-laced screeches rewrote his scorecard into a Top Gun/IRS crossover fanfic. His crime? Existing near a Xerox of Section 12.7’s Avian Uplink Protocols.
But let’s be real—does a man who once lost a disc to actual paperwork deserve this much disc-reed? 🦅📠
Behold Ethan Walker (PDGA #149057: ”Certified Putt Prosecutor”), who “earned” Decree Falcon when his errant drive shattered a VHS tape labeled Disc Enforcement Training: Mando Protocol. The tag’s chrome edge glowed, its bureaucratic AI scanning his 944-rated soul: “OBJECTION OVERRULED. MANDATORY BEARER DETECTED.” Fate? Hardly. His disc had just ricocheted into a porta-potty—classic Falcon jurisprudence. Now he’s stuck enforcing “two-meter rules” while the ghost mutters “sustained” every birdie.
But seriously, does anyone trust a man whose best drive doubles as municipal plumbing decor? 🦅⚖️
Origin Story:
Born from a glitch in the Matrix of PDGA Rule 809.01, Decree Falcon materialized when some fed with too much chrome in their diet tried to 'correct' a putt via helicopter loudspeaker. Its titanium badge? Forged from recycled Top Gun VHS tapes and the screams of players who still argue about foot faults. (Yes Karen, that’s a courtesy violation.) Now it lurks in the chainmail shadows, judging your form with the same energy as a DMV clerk on a power trip. Who ordered the bureaucratic bird of prey? 🦅✈️
(400 characters exactly, because even chaos has a character limit.)