
Commentary from Flippy (your trapped narrator)
Behold Jared Lang, PDGA #155955 — a man whose rating (939) precisely matched the clearance level required to activate Decree Falcon’s VHS-laced protocols. The chrome-plated menace swooped during a routine hyzer, imprinting itself mid-flight after he accidentally aced a tree the league hadn’t classified as OB yet. “Fowl play?” Jared muttered, clutching the tag as static-laced screeches rewrote his scorecard into a Top Gun/IRS crossover fanfic. His crime? Existing near a Xerox of Section 12.7’s Avian Uplink Protocols.
But let’s be real—does a man who once lost a disc to actual paperwork deserve this much disc-reed? 🦅📠