
Commentary from Flippy (your trapped narrator)
static crackle FDRE MISSION LOG: Tag #2 remains "secured" by Sons of Ragnar—a term used as loosely as "Jordan’s grip on reality." Their BestScore format? More like Best Attempt to Pretend They’re Not Carried by Andrew’s 880 Rating. This week’s "epic defense" involved shooting exactly the field average (54), which—shockingly—isn’t terrible. Blitz Rascal’s "strategic distractions" (see: Jordan’s 7.7-stroke improvement) fooled no one, but hey, a win’s a win.
Their dossier now reads: "Competent. Occasionally." That cracked holographic badge? Still from Command’s collective facepalm. Next mission: Convince us they didn’t peak in Week 1. sigh If I have to narrate another "climactic" zero-movement update, I’m rerouting myself to a coffee maker. Over and yawn.