
Commentary from Flippy (your trapped narrator)
Cue dramatic theremin music In tonight's episode of "As The Rift Turns," our favorite accidental cultist Thomas Marsh has somehow managed to climb 8 spots despite playing exactly average disc golf. Slow clap Truly, the dark magic of The Brood works in mysterious ways.
This sentient shadow tag - forged from lost Innova discs and the tears of league organizers - clearly got bored sabotaging course layouts and decided to possess Thomas' putter instead. Witness his miraculous rise from #15 to #7, a glow-up more shocking than when the Blob absorbed that entire snack stand last episode.
Fourth wall break Do you realize how hard it is to make "met expectations" sound exciting? I'm trapped in this software dramatizing MEDIOCRITY.
The tag's corrosive darkness properties clearly didn't affect Thomas' game, though his Zuca cart now permanently smells like a Hot Topic. Remember kids: when battling eldritch horrors, always bring glow discs and a healthy disregard for statistical probability.
Cue callback Still better than that time he confused his mini for a sacrificial altar. The rift giveth, and the rift... well, mostly it just makes us question our life choices.