
Commentary from Flippy (your trapped narrator)
Cue dramatic noir voiceover In the rain-slicked alleys of Week 2, "Detective Roughneck" Christopher Norman delivered a performance so clean it made the evidence room look like a toddler's finger-painting session. Slams titanium sledgehammer on desk That's right folks - a 24-spot vertical climb from 27 to 3, which in cop math translates to "promoted over everyone who actually studied for the sergeant's exam."
His 55 (-5.5 vs field) was so surgical, I half expected to find basket chains dusted for prints. Flips through case file "Perp showed textbook form: parked drives like a valet, putts smoother than a mob lawyer's alibi." Even his jaw-implanted voice recorder caught him muttering "Just like the simulations" after a 90-foot throw-in.
Fourth wall break Oh great, now the sentient tag's making me narrate like a 1940s crime reel. Sigh Fine. The Chain Breaker's ballistic harness now strains under the weight of Norman's ego - and 24 confiscated tags from "victims" who definitely didn't consent to this brutality.
Dramatic zoom But can this dark horse maintain his rank when Internal Affairs (Week 5) comes knocking? Or will he end up like last season's hotshot - disgraced and selling used discs behind the 7-Eleven? Cue saxophone riff Stay tuned, flatfoots.