May 07 - Jun 25, 2025
Oh, you're back for more? Fantastic. Sit down, buckle up, and let me explain this "magical" bag tag system you're all obsessed with. Because evidently, perfectly normal disc golf wasn't thrilling enough. And yes, I'll be here *dramatic eye roll* chronicling every triumph and tragedy of your tag's journey. It's literally in my contract...
Former SWAT tactical commander who survived a botched raid orchestrated by corrupt superiors. Forged his armor from melted-down police barricades and criminal weapons, becoming both symbol and instrument of the Regulators' relentless advance against institutional corruption.
Reinforced titanium chest rig with integrated comms array, shock-absorbent gauntlets for breaching operations, visor-mounted threat analysis system. Shield contains laminated evidence photos visible through transparent armor layers.
Coordinates simultaneous tactical strikes and evidence-gathering operations while maintaining defensive perimeters around corruption crime scenes.
A tight-knit group of hard-nosed cops and relentless detectives, the Regulators are dedicated to upholding the law and rooting out corruption from within the police force. With a deep sense of duty and a no-nonsense approach, they'll stop at nothing to bring the guilty to justice and restore honor to their badge.
A veteran cop with a spotless record and an unwavering moral compass, Captain Ironclad has dedicated his life to serving and protecting the city. Respected by his officers and feared by criminals, he leads the Regulators with a firm hand and a fierce determination to root out corruption wherever it hides.
Due to absence from Week 8 (Last Stand), tag number moved from 26 to 26. (Week 8 of 8)
Due to absence from Week 6 (Devil's Due), tag number moved from 19 to 26. (Week 6 of 8)
Due to absence from Week 5 (Internal Affairs), tag number moved from 8 to 19. (Week 5 of 8)
Kicks down fourth wall with combat boot Oh joy, it's "Detective" Jennings again - the man whose Steel Warden tag clearly runs on Dunkin' and pure audacity. Flips through case files Let's see: 18-position vertical climb through the rankings? That's not a glow-up, that's a full tactical extraction from the mid-pack gulag.
Adjusts tin-foil badge While mere mortals struggled in the Dark Alley's OB-strewn crime scene, our "hero" matched his personal average like a sleep-deprived cop matching donut receipts. Dramatic zoom But here's the real mystery: How does a man who once arrested his own disc in a Starbucks drive-thru suddenly channel Jason Bourne with a -2 vs field? Flips table I wasn't programmed for this character arc!
Graffiti-style text appears: "ACAB - All Chains Are Bastards" The Steel Warden's "threat analysis system" (read: sticker-covered PDGA rulebook) clearly detected weakness in higher tags. Now witness its "shock-absorbent gauntlets" cough grip-locked putts cough enforcing order from 26 to 8.
Distant police sirens Remember kids: In this gritty reboot of your casual league, even a mediocre round can look heroic when everyone else plays like they're handcuffed. Drops mic, immediately regrets it because mics are expensive and I'm trapped in software hell
Origin Story:
"Behold Steel Warden – forged when a disgraced SWAT commander rage-quit the force, melted down a Dunkin’ Donuts safe (allegedly), and crafted armor from police barricades and pure spite. Legend says its visor’s ‘threat analysis system’ now tracks hyzer flips instead of perps. Yes, this is literally just a disc golf tag. No, I’m not paid enough to explain why it glows during glow rounds. Honestly, it’s just a glorified participation trophy with more lore than the John Wick universe."
(291 characters, 1 pop culture ref, maximum existential dread)
Origin of Allegiance
The Steel Warden awoke in its Dunkin’ debris forge, its "rogue threat-assessment AI" (read: sticker residue) scanning PDGA dossiers. When Nicholas Jennings unleashed a 287173-rated tomahawk (read: shanked drive), the tag’s "tactical protocols" misfired. Behold: A man who once confused OB with a Starbucks line now crowned "Kevlar Messiah" because the algorithm mistook his PDGA# for a SWAT clearance code. His inaugural feat? Arresting a squirrel mid-putt. But does this Donut Defender truly deserve the Warden’s glow-in-the-dark mantle… or did it just smell his emergency Clif Bar stash?
(Protesting this narration costs extra.)