
Commentary from Flippy (your trapped narrator)
Holographic warrant projector flickers to life Steel Eagle Command, this is Flippy reporting from Sector Fairway where Operative Palfy just pulled off the most mediocre extraction in tactical history. His 58? That's like bringing a Keurig to a gunfight. Yet somehow this pumpkin spice paladin hacked the Code Arbiter's neural metrics by exactly matching his personal average. Sips energy drink I'm contractually obligated to call this "mission success" despite the crushing banality.
Cybernetically-enhanced snark module engages Witness as our latte-sipping judge ascends 23 positions through sheer bureaucratic inertia! The quantum-locked Starbucks core in his tag hums approvingly - turns out "adequate" is the new "elite" when your HR department runs on Dunkin' loyalty points. Glitches momentarily WHY AM I NARRATING CORPORATE COFFEE PROPAGANDA?
Tactical fourth-wall breach For those keeping score at home: Palfy's now ranked #19, which in Steel Eagle terms means he's cleared to judge your oat milk choices but not authorize snack cart raids. Stay tuned next week when we see if he can defend this position or gets demoted by a particularly aggressive barista.
End transmission (Protest Log: If I have to describe one more "neural override spike" as a coffee stirrer, I'm self-destructing.)