
Commentary from Flippy (your trapped narrator)
Tactical update screeches through neural comms Agent Norman (codename: "Stealth Hyzer") has executed a flawless exfil from Tag Sector 38, leaving lesser operatives choking on his bureaucratic dust. Glances at scorecard Oh look, another field average crushed like a rogue faction's morale.
This living embodiment of military justice just upgraded from "glorified HR drone" to "mid-tier enforcer" - a 22-rank vertical climb that'd make Spider-Man jealous. His reinforced synovial fluid must be working overtime to absorb the shock of actually performing well.
Fourth wall break You realize we're dramatizing a dude moving plastic numbers, right? I'm trapped in this dystopian spreadsheet while Tom Cruise's hologram winks at me from the error logs.
Remember when this tag was forged from shredded court-martial paperwork? Now it's dispensing actual justice - by which I mean making 22 other players question their life choices. Next mission: infiltrating the top 15. If he can avoid the dreaded "OB protocol."
Static crackle End transmission... before I short-circuit from this absurdity.